


Dark

by TWDObsessive



Category: The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Anger, Angry Daryl, Angst, Bottom Daryl, Bottom Rick, Dark to start- but stick with it., Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes Feels, Despair, Desperation, Developing Relationship, Don't worry- Rick still loves Daryl, Falling In Love, First Time, Forced, Grows tender and beautiful in later chapters, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Major Character Deaths, Oral Sex, Passive Rick, Protective Daryl, Rick offers himself to Daryl, Rickyl, Smut, Some Fluff, Story is evolving - not so dark anymore, Survival, Traumatized Rick, canon-divergent, wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-18 17:03:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 32,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3577158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl and Rick make it out of the prison but it is just the two of them alone.  Their brutal journey nearly turns them into animals.  Their basic needs are front and center and after a mistake from the hunter, someone has to be punished for it.  After all, it's the Dixon way.</p><p>In later chapters, the men finally reunite with others after 8 long months.  Daryl and Rick struggle to recover from their trauma and continue to explore and develop the relationship that has blossomed between them.</p><p>This fic is now completed!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time I tried to go pretty dark. Please note- The first two chapters are very dark and desperate, but were necessary to move the rest of the story forward. Comments and suggestions welcome!

Dark

It's been weeks. Maybe months. Not sure how long really. The days and nights have run together. Rick and Daryl made it out of the prison, both barely alive and alone. Just the two of them. The rest of the group hopefully scattered and have gone in better, safer directions. 

In the weeks, maybe months of walking, they've found themselves in a region so wooded, they hadn't even been seeing cars, much less houses. 

Always plenty of walkers tho. But they've been lucky only running into single stragglers or groups of no more than six. The six were Boy Scouts. Both men had dropped to the ground openly bawling after the slaughter, with thoughts of Carl.

They hadn't stumbled on enough water to wash in days (or had it been weeks?). They recently started scavenging by looting pockets of the rotting clothes the walkers wore. And thankfully they've gotten two lighters that way to help start fires for cooking.

They've been eating nothing but squirrel, raccoon. Snake once, bugs.

Their best meal was actually a wolf a while back that Daryl had brought down with his bare hands. 

A lone wolf. Probably the same boat as them. Walkers took down it's Kin. Now he was all alone, hungry and he stepped out of a clearing to see Rick. 

Daryl, off to the side, could see by Rick's body language that he had no intent to put up the fight. He welcomed what was coming. As the wolf charged Rick, Daryl came full force from the side. He hadn't had a bolt loaded, he reached for the knife from his belt but in the fury and panic he fumbled and dropped it. Two feet in front of Rick, who still hadn't moved and maintained the wolf's stare, Daryl crashed into it's side fighting it for dominance, pinning it and snapping it's neck. 

He was angry at Rick. Not just for giving up on his own life, but to be willing to leave Daryl utterly alone. Daryl had screamed at him, pushed him, tried to get a reaction. Wanted a fight. But Rick had just started collecting wood for the fire wordlessly like nothing happened.

They had one canteen between the two of them and more often than not it was empty.

They haven't spoken more than grunts to each other in days...weeks. They hunt by nods and eye contact and hand signals. They point out walkers and make directional decisions the same way.

What little sleep they'd get was taken in shifts at first until they were so tired and hungry they couldn't trust themselves to stand guard. Then they'd get some height and sleep in the branches.

Rick's beard has grown so long he looked every bit the redneck that Daryl had been. His hair in curls now and past his neck and he had grown terribly thin. 

Daryl's hair seemed permanently sweat-soaked. In his eyes all the time. The archer had grown thin as well but his broad strong muscular shoulders stayed in tact from always carrying the crossbow.

Daryl was a good tracker. And they had no reason to abandon hope that they'd eventually get out of the woods. But hunger, thirst and lack of sleep have been affecting the hunters abilities and he's been angry with himself for his mistakes. 

Didn't notice rabbit tracks the other day until it was too late. He came to a pile of fur. Another animal made that kill. It should have been his.

But the worst misstep was now. Daryl looked at the six dead boys scouts. Laying right where they had left them weeks ago... Maybe months. They'd been walking in circles.

Daryl started pacing like an animal. 

"Goddamnit!" His voice was gruff from thirst and from not having used it in so long. 

Rick leaned back against a tree, leaning his head against it so that his eye line stayed above the campers. Then he quietly closed his eyes. Patiently allowing for Daryl to fume.

Daryl started stomping on already stomped skulls, several more "goddamnits" shouted each time his boot landed. 

He looked at Rick whose tired gaze was on him. Daryl knew immediately his every thought and predicted each word he would he calculatingly utter.

Rick opened his dry mouth. "This ain't on you, Daryl." And as the last word came out, Daryl pushed him hard back against the tree. 

Rick came forward reaching out to put a comforting hand on Daryl's shoulder. 

Again, Daryl used both hands to push him again with all his force and Rick's head banged back against the Rough bark.

"Hit me." Daryl egged him on. 

Rick just looked into his eyes with that piercing gaze. "No." He said plainly. 

Daryl pushed him again spittle flying as he shouted it again "Hit me!!!

His old Dixon upbringing came rushing back. He fucked up and he needed to be beaten. It was the only way. He deserved punishment. He needed punishment. He could feel the punches he'd taken from Merle. The welts on his back from his father's belt buckle tingled.

He started moving again towards Rick but Rick finally moved. And fast. He moved straight for Daryl and the hunter steeled himself for the punch. But it didn't come. 

Instead Rick pushed him back, kept pushing, Daryl stumbling over dead Boy Scouts until he was backed up against another tree and Rick grabbed him roughly by the hair and kissed him.

His mouth devoured Daryl's. Daryl knowin this was Rick's way of repeating "it's not your fault" with actions instead of words. Showing him his love since he wouldn't accept his total allegiance and trust with words.

It wasn't gentle tho. Rick hungrily kissed his hunter pushing so hard with his mouth and pinning the back of his friend's head to the tree. 

Daryl didn't want affection he wanted the fight. He bite hard into Rick's bottom lip with the intent of chewing it completely off. Rick made a dry-throated cry and backed away slightly disoriented. And Daryl took the opportunity to swing his fist into Rick's jaw. 

Blood sprayed out the the side of his already bleeding lip. And Rick dropped to the ground. All thought was gone. All concept of consequence and processing information was out of reach and Daryl was nothing but an animal.

An angry, hungry animal. He dropped to Rick and turned him over onto his stomach pulling down the sheriff's pants down. He was so thin now, there was no need to unbuckle or unzip.

Rick didn't fight him. "Fight me goddamnit". Daryl shouted. If I'm not gonna be punished, goddamnit somebody is, Daryl thought to himself.

He un zipped his own pants and took his cock out. He wanted someone to hurt. He tried to shove into Rick dry, but literally couldn't get in. 

He tried to get spit from his dehydrated mouth but couldn't get anything. In a growing frenzy he reached around to Rick's mouth like he was going to smother him, but just cupped at the dripping blood, brought it back and slid it up and down his cock, quickly pushing into Rick. 

Daryl grew angrier that Rick wasn't fighting him. In fact the stubborn sheriff leaned from his side onto his forearms, lifting his ass higher to give Daryl better access. 

With his now slick cock he was able to split Rick open. He thrust in and out, wild. His hands held Rick's hips to pull them back with each pump. He felt Rick squirm a bit and thought he was finally going to show some fight but looked down to see Rick's hand moistened with blood stroking his own cock in rhythm with Daryl's movements. 

Daryl growled. Literally saw red and then came hard in Rick's tight hot ass. Rick grunted seconds after and Daryl heard the sound of his cum dribble on the leaves below him like rain.

The hunter collapsed over his prey. They lay still a moment breath still heavy. Blood pumping.

Daryl got up first. The past few moments were a blur that left him dizzy. Rick stood and pulled his pants up. Wiped the dripping blood from his mouth with his sleeve and leaned against the tree. 

Still with heavy breaths they made eye contact and both said the same thing without words. "Needed that"

They rested another minute looking at the Boy Scouts as the sun dipped. Daryl looked at Rick and again without words, his eyes and motion pointed out the tree they'd slept in when they first came upon the scouts weeks ago. Maybe month. When they were only once dead and still walking.


	2. Darker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More moons pass as Daryl and Rick survive wordlessly and continue to devolve into animals with very basic primal needs. Will they ever find their way out of the woods?

They continued their arduous journey the next morning. This time leaving the Boy Scout massacre from another direction. 

Trying to keep a better sense of things by keeping note of how many moons pass them. By Daryl's calculation, it had been 13 days since they left the Boy Scouts for a second time. 

It had rained for two of them and the men welcomed the opportunity to fill their canteen from the skies and drank greedily as they raised their neck to the heavens during the heaviest down pour to drink straight from the clouds.

They had developed a new set of habits. Eat (when they could). Drink (when they could). Sleep (when they could) and what had since become an evening ritual of rutting to climax.

Each evening when they decided to stop moving for the day, and after eating (if they had anything) and before finding tree branches to sleep in, Rick would lay on the ground, stomach against the cold, damp dirt like a passive offering to the hunter.

If he had the energy that night he would push up on all fours and take his pants down for Daryl. Other times he was so weak, Daryl would have to gently lift the older man's hips himself. He no longer gave out punches or used blood from any of Rick's wounds. 

Rick likely never even wondered how Daryl slicked himself up each night. But the haunted, scarred hunter returned to the familiar self-mutilation that staved off the emotion pain from his teen years.

From behind Rick's offered ass, Daryl would use his hunting knife to slice a small cut into his thigh, making it bleed enough that he could use it to slide into Rick. 

The anger was no longer part of it. It had just become need and habit and something to do that gave them a glimmer of feeling. 

Daryl was always on top, but Rick was always the one whose docile position on the ground initiated each round. 

There were a few days when they weren't able to comfort each other in this animalistic way because food was incredibly scarce and both men were literally too weak they could barely move. 

Daryl had taken to biting Rick's lip again and suckling on the blood just to have the feeling of something in his stomach. And then, as sated as he could be, the hunter sat leaning up against a tree while Rick would dig into the younger man's pants sucking his cock til he came and then drinking at the cum greedily. Sometimes trying to suck out more then there was after Daryl was spent and the hunter would have to push him off. Words continued to be few and far between.

After another ten moons, daryl and Rick stopped in their tracks as their eyes fell on either a mutually seen mirage, or a home in the middle of a pecan grove.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming attraction- Some of the other prison survivors are at the home in the grove, although different ones from the show because I get to put who I want where I want in fan fiction! Check back soon for chapter three! 
> 
> Comments and suggestions welcome!


	3. Animals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Rick have finally made their way back to familiar faces, but they are not the same men after what turned out to be 8 long months together in the woods.

They stood firm and hesitant like cautious animals. Rick's glare sweeping side to side. Daryl's beady gaze trained right on the front door of the house. 

They heard voices. Whether or not they were real was yet to be determined. Standing at the edge of the woods, camouflaged by what was likely months of dirt, grime and blood, neither moved and time stood still. They were animals.

Slowly, after a nod to each other, they started moving to the house. From a window they heard a yell- "we got walkers." A mans voice. Familiar almost, the animals thought.

Several bodies exited the door slowly. Names swirled in Rick's fading memory. Hershal. Michone. Glenn. Maggie. 

Daryl lifted his crossbow and aimed out of habit. 

"RICK! Daryl!!!" Maggie shouted wanting to run to them but Hershal and Glenn, with a hand on either side of her, held her back. From behind the dark slender one with the katana out ready for a slaughter, a small voice rose- "Dad?"

And a boy, much taller than either man had remembered, slowly walked down the steps. Rick dropped to his knees with a crash. Head dropping to his chin and dry croaking sobs coming from his sunburned lips. Carl ran to him, threw his arms around his father and Rick sobbed louder when he realized he had no strength in his arms to hug back. 

He looked up at Daryl, his lifeline. As their eyes met, Daryl fainted.

The hunter awoke with a start, leaping out of a strange bed frantically looking for his bow and knife before he even realized he didn't have anything on except for a pair of boxers he didn't recognize.

He felt helpless and trapped. No weapon and Rick was gone. Where was Rick? Daryl panicked, pacing back and forth feeling himself lose control of his breath. Hyperventilating. He needed Rick. Needed his bow. Where was he?

Rick lay quiet in another room. After he also quickly lost consciousness, the group had brought both men in. Checked and cared for their wounds, Washed them as best they could considering neither woke. Maggie was successful at getting both to suckle water from a rag to get some fluids in them, though neither man was fully alert for it. They settled each of them into separate rooms. The best ones in the house. Their family had come back to them, but as Hershal made clear. Re-acclimating may take time.

Rick had not yet awaken though his eyes twitched back and forth from a frenetic dream. He and Daryl were wolves and they came upon another pack. Daryl was leaping in front of Rick to protect him.   
\---------  
All grouped together in the kitchen while the men slept, they whispered to each other.

Maggie shook her head with a tentative smile on her lips. 

"I just can't believe it." She kept repeating. "It's been 8 months! 8 months and somehow they've come back to us."

"Mags, these aren't the same men. They are our family and they will be themselves again, but they clearly haven't had the luck we've had since the prison. You need to be careful around them. Move slow, talk slow."

Carl sulked. Michone ruffed his hair. "You ok big guy?"

"I thought he was dead. Thought they both were dead." He said, his voice changing from puberty. "We shoulda looked harder. We shoulda never stopped. What if he never wakes up and I lose him all over again?"

Glenn put an arm around Carl. "Not gonna happen, buddy. We got this. We don't look back. We only look forward"

It was then they heard the ruckus from Daryl's room.

"See son," Hershal said, "one's up now and sounds stronger than ever."

Everyone stood at once. "No, no." Hershal motioned with his hand for them to sit. We can't overwhelm them. One person in at a time.

\------------

Daryl started digging through drawers looking for anything he could use for a weapon. He pulled a drawer so far out and with such anger that it came out of the track and crashed to the floor and he was on all fours deliriously digging through a sock drawer looking for his cross bow.

He froze at the knock on the door and the gentle creek as it opened. Frozen. Like a frightened animal .

"Daryl." Hershal said soothingly "do you remember me?- Hershal?" Daryl said nothing. "Did ya see the pitcher of water by your bed? We need ya to drink some 'a that. Will get ya to feeling better."

Daryl moved to the water and guzzled from the pitcher instead of pouring it in the glass. He surprisingly hadn't seen it. His priorities were Rick and his cross bow. His wary eyes never left Hershal as he moved to the bedside, lifted the pitcher or guzzled directly from it. "Not to fast son". Hershal soothed.

When Daryl stopped, he wiped a bare arm across his mouth. 

"Rick." He said in a dry raspy voice. Hershal could barly hear him and leaned forward. "What did you say?"

Louder but still with a rasp he shouted "Where's Rick?" and paced back and forth like a lion in a cramped zoo enclosure.

"Right across the hall. Healing like you. He's sleep..." Before Hershal could finish his sentence Daryl moved like a cheetah, pushing the man aside, seeming dazed and disoriented in the living room then stumbling to the closed door across from his nearly tearing it off it's hinges. Everyone in the kitchen remained still and silent.

Daryl entered another dark room and there he was. His Rick, asleep in a strange bed with nightmares on his eyelids. Hershal spoke softly from the door behind him. "I have every reason to believe he'll wake up." Hershal said calmly. 

"Get the fuck out" Daryl croaked and slammed the door shut. With just he and Rick in the room, Daryl felt calmer. He crawled into Rick's bed and saw that he was also cleaned and wearing too-large unfamiliar boxers. 

He knew the blanket was probably the cause of his nightmare. Make ya feel like yer suffocating. He ripped it off and threw it on the floor and spooned against Rick to keep him warm. Petted his damp curly hair like he was a baby. The tremors behind Rick's eyes slowed to a still and his ragged breathing became the steady heavy breaths of good sleep. Daryl now had what he needed. He fell back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming soon- Daryl slowly starts to pull himself back together and finds he has to take the roll of leader and tender lover to help bring Rick back to the world.


	4. Come out of the woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick is still not ready to talk or see the others. Both men remain traumatized and sectioned off in their room for days. Daryl tries to reach Rick from behind his silence. Their relationship continued to evolve.

Rick and Daryl haven't set foot outside the pecan grove bedroom in three days. Nor has anyone other, than Hershal, entered and that was only to re-dress the wounds Rick had to his left thigh. 

Neither man even remembers when or how it happened. They'd taken too many falls to be able to keep track. 

It took Hershal 30 minutes of convincing before Daryl allowed him to enter the room. 

The hunter stood close and watched Hershel's every move as the doctor explained exactly what he was doing with each step in a low calm voice. 

Rick kept his eyes on Daryl because it was the only way he could feel safe. His heart was pounding. He remembered seeing Carl when they'd first arrived but knew he wasn't ready to see him again. Not yet. Rick hasn't spoken since he awoke. 

As Hershal began cleaning out the wound again with a warning that it might be a little uncomfortable, Daryl sat on the bed and petted Rick's head like a beloved pet. He also took his suspicious eyes off Hershal so that he could meet Rick's traumatized haunted gaze.

They spoke in their unspoken way. Just eyes and slight nods to convey incredibly complex thoughts and emotions.

When Hershal was finished, he reminded them to keep drinking the water he was leaving by the door. Told them dinner would be probably another hour. And as usual he would leave it by the door for whenever they were ready. 

"Do you need anything, else? Can we do anything else for you? Are sleeping ok? Hershel peppered then with questions and paused. Both men stayed silent. "I'll put fresh towels by the door too tonight." He said nodding to the on suite bath .

Daryl looked at Hershal with a threatening dull blue stare. Rick continued to keep his eyes on the hunter who was still petting his head.

With the door shut, Rick's pulse slowed. Daryl could tell by looking at him when his pulse was racing. Daryl relaxed into the older man's side and pulled his bare feet up onto the bed. They now had on tee shirts and sweatpants to stay warm ever since Hershal found out they couldn't handle the feeling of the blanket.

Daryl wrapped him in both arms and Rick sunk into him. They slept like that. The short tense visit had exhausted them both.  
\-------

Another two days passed without much change. The two men had been pacing the room trying to clear their heads. After they had dinner- some kind of stew with pecans on the side, they put the emptied plates back outside the door quietly. 

One after another, they slid down against a wall and sat side by side so they were touching. Daryl knew Rick was always more comfortable when he felt the hunters presence against his skin.

Daryl spoke for the first time in days- "We need to pull ourselves together, man" he said holding Rick's stare. Rick nodded in agreement. In a different time, like back at the prison, this speech would have been Rick's to give. But their rolls and their personalities swirled and churned in those woods and spit out two men who'd become each other.

Daryl continued "Yer boy's out there. Wants to see his dad." 

Rick nodded and tears rolled down his cheek. 

"Naw, naw, naw..." Don't do that. He knows ya just need time. Don't beat yerself up because your struggling. I'm struggling too. We'll shake this off together" Daryl whispered, holding one hand against the side of Rick's face and wiping away his tears with the other.

Daryl kissed him gently where the tear fell, then met his lips and comforted him with the most tender kiss they'd shared. It wasn't the hungry ones filled with anger and passion from the woods. Those were for a different purpose. To stay strong and hard for survival out there. In here, the kind of strength they needed was different and that called for a different kind of communication.

Rick pulled Daryl down to the floor keeping the hunter on top. Rick's arms wrapped tightly around his lifeline as if he were drowning. 

Daryl, with fingers tightly strewn through Rick's hair, continued the gentle kisses. Pausing only to whisper in his ear that it would be ok. And that he wasn't alone. And that Daryl would do anything for him and was going to get him through this.

Both men were surprised to find they'd gotten hard from this gentle affection. They felt each other harden between them.

Daryl began to grind against Rick. Rick's arched back was the only sign the hunter needed. 

"We're in this together." The younger man whispered. Keeping the grind slow and languid. "Always together." And after each whisper he would kiss Rick. His forehead. His mouth. The corners of his eye.

Rick held him tighter and moaned quietly. It was the first sound he's heard from the sheriff's lips since they arrived and the sound of it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard. 

"There you go, baby, you have a voice. Tell me what you want. I'll give you anything." Daryl slowed his movements in an attempt to force words from Rick's mouth. It didn't work for words, but another desperate whimpering moan was emitted as Rick tried to move Daryl's pace back up with his hands.

Even though he was disappointed they weren't words, he was pleased to hear the sounds. "'S'all right. I know what that means. I know what you want." 

Daryl was so close. Just so turned on that Rick was his, that he moaned for him, that no matter how fucked up the past 8 months of despair made him, he still needed Daryl. No ones ever needed Daryl. Daryl whispered as the writhing increased, "I'm gonna cum." As soon as his words were out, Rick arched and moaned clearly reaching his peak.

They curled up and slept on the floor that night. Rick dreamt of the woods again. Quiet sobs and a shaking body kept Daryl up all night trying to settle him. 

Rick's nightmare had been a reality months ago. It was before they started fucking and after Daryl's attack of the wolf. 

Daryl had gotten so sick. A fever. He was burning up and couldn't keep the little bit of food they had down. Rick tried to baby him, but the hunter would have none of it. This was back when they still moved out of determination and not just to cling barely to life.

Finally Daryl had no choice. He napped while Rick paced on guard. The hunter had been to weak to climb a tree for sleep. He wouldn't wake for days. Rick stayed awake for two cycles of the moon. Pacing. Guarding. Tilting Daryl's head up to give him water. Laying beside him to use body heat when the chills would wrack his body. Going without water so he could use it to pour a bit on his tshirt and use it as a damp cloth over the hunter's forehead. Daryl wasn't conscious for it, but those days were terrifying for Rick. The thought of losing all he had tore him apart. By the time Daryl's fever finally broke, he awoke to a broken down Rick openly sobbing, rocking back and forth with his back to Daryl. 

At the memories in his dream, Rick broke into a sweat on the floor, shaking . 

Daryl knew this was another "fever dream". Rick remembering the few days Daryl wasn't there. The hunter soothed the trembling man. 

"I'm here. We 're here." he soothed. He tugged and encouraged Rick to get off the floor and back in the bed.

Daryl was no psychologist, but he thought maybe laying on the hard floor would make the memories flood back easier.

Once in bed, with Rick calmed and back asleep, Daryl knew he was really going to have to push Rick harder to come back to him. To come out of the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up next- Daryl convinces Rick to have dinner in the kitchen with rest of their family.


	5. Learning to Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl gets Rick to join the others for dinner even tho he still won't talk or look at anyone. But the sherrif lives up to his end of the deal and begs for a reward.

Hershal was still hunched over by the door putting dinner down for the boys. Before he could even stand back up or give his customary double-knock, the door cracked open and Daryl peaked down at him.

"Daryl" Hershal smiled. "Need something? Can I help you?" 

Daryl moved his eyes from Hershal to the kitchen table where all of his old people were seated. All of them looking up with jaws dropped.

"We'd like to eat dinner out there tonight" and he nodded toward the group. 

"Daryl, that's great! We'll set two more places." Hershal looked back to the group. Maggie and Carl had leapt up grabbing more plates and silverware. "Come on out when you're ready, ok?" Hershal said quietly.

Daryl shut the door. After the sounds of dishware placement subsided, Daryl looked at Rick.

"You ready?" 

Rick nodded. 

"I'm right here with you ok?" 

Rick nodded again.

Daryl slowly opened the door and walked a few steps ahead of Rick. Everyone at the table had been instructed to eat and not talk until the men were settled and ready, and even then- quietly and no questions.

Rick was holding on to Daryl's hand, though they tried to hide that crutch by just standing close together. 

Daryl felt Rick's pulse quicken. The two table settings were on opposite sides of the table. 

Rick drew back but Daryl kept his hand tight. "No, no, no." He said his voice getting back to normal. "We sit on the same side." he looked around the room "and facing the door." Glenn watched them as he hurridly moved plates and changed seats. "Ok" he said. 

The men walked slowly and sat down. Both certain at that point the hand holding was noticed but they didn't give a shit. Once seated, Rick started shaking and Daryl noisily moved his chair closer to him so their legs were touching under the table. Almost a dominant animalistic sign to the others that Rick was his to care for.

Hershal made a signal to remind the others to eat, act normal and not stare.

Dinner was something with noodles in it- another soup. And some kind of bread with pecans in it.

Daryl started shoveling the soup down with the same bad manners he always had. Rick tore at chunks of the bread and put small pieces into his mouth one at a time chewing them far longer than necessary. His eyes stayed on his plate.

Daryl looked up. "Been instructed not to make any sudden moves?" He said with his mouth full.

At the same time Maggie and Michonne tried to respond.

"Noooo" Maggie said as Michonne added "This bread is really good Maggie! Don't you think Carl?" And she looked to the boy. Carl had been staring at his father. 

"Uh, ya" he answered even tho he hadn't eaten any yet.

Daryl watched Carl watching Rick. 

"'S gonna be fine Carl. We just hadn't had much to eat or drink and.... You know your dad, he'd always find a way to trick me into taken more 'n my share. Always takin care of everyone else first. Just has to get his footing back."

Everyone nodded. They knew that Rick. Remembered him. The former leader's pulse quickened at the attention and Daryl put a hand on his knee under the table to settle him.

Rick had stopped eating. Chewing and breathing at the same time became to cumbersome. He tilted his head to Daryl and met his eyes.

"'S'good, right?" Daryl asked, mouth full of bread.

Daryl knew what the look meant. Rick wanted to retreat. But the hunter was growing worried about Rick's lack of improvement. Felt he had to start pushing even though he hated himself at that moment. Rick looked back at his plate.

Hershal caught Daryl's eye and nodded like he knew and approved of all the tough love he was putting Rick through. 

Glen started telling a story about he and Maggie gathering pecans that morning. It was such a dull boring story Daryl almost wanted to throw something at him. But at least it was taking the attention off Rick. Under the table, the hunter soothed his friend, rubbing his leg. He leaned over quietly "Eat the soup."

As everyone laughed and focused at the opposite end of the table where Carl was joining in on the story, Daryl watched as Rick reached meekly for the spoon and slowly dipped it in his bowl. His hands were shaking so bad that by the time the spoon made it to his lips there was barely anything left on it. 

While no one was paying too terribly much attention, Daryl put his hand across Rick, held his hand over Rick's hand over the spoon handle, dipped it and helped him bring it up to his lips still actually filled with soup. Rick took it. But when Daryl pulled his hand back away, both of Ricks went back under the table onto his lap. He was done. 

Daryl looked at him and nodded. They could get up and leave now. He'd held up his end of the deal. He tried his best. Both men pushed their chairs back at the same time. 

"Thanks for dinner." Daryl said. Rick said nothing. He didn't need to wait for Daryl's hand. He just bee-lined it to his safe room and after Daryl followed him in, the door closed quietly behind him.

Alone in their room Daryl grabbed Rick before he could crawl into bed. Hugged him tight. 

"You did so good." he comforted. Rick still had shakes. "Are you cold?" Rick rubbed his hands up and down Rick's arms. "Needa warm up? Do you want to try the blanket tonight, maybe it won't be so bad. Weather's getting colder" 

Rick met Daryl's eyes in response and crawled onto the bed with his belly down flat. The same submissive position in would put himself in out in the wood when he needed Daryl as close as possible. 

"Rick, don't do that." Daryl said quietly feeling like it was going to cause flashbacks of the woods or make him relive the fear that they felt each day out there for so many long months.

Trying to ease him over onto his back, Rick fought. Pushed Daryl away, pulled his pants off and got on all fours on the ground. Daryl instantly grew hard, but still didn't want to make things worse in Rick's head. 

Daryl ran his hands through the older mans long greying brown curls. "Not like this. This was for outside. For needing the aggression and release." 

Ricks head fell in disappointment and he looked up at Daryl, still on his hands and knees. He worked his dry lips like he was trying to remember how to speak. 

"I want you" Rick muttered with a raw, dry voice, left unused for too long.

Daryl's burst into a smile. "Your voice. Your beautiful voice" Daryl had tears in his eyes.

He tried to pull Rick to him and up off the floor but he protested. "Like this. I want you like this.... please." So many beautiful words. Rick pled with his deep blue eyes. 

Hard with desire, love, excitement of making it over two hurdles tonight- Dinner and words. 

"Ok, baby." Daryl relented. "Because you asked so nicely". Since no one knew what their relationship was like there was no good fortune of having lube in the attached bathroom, Daryl had enough saliva now that cutting wasn't necessary, but instead of grinding right into him. He tried to be gentler and slower. He rubbed Rick's back and his ass eliciting more moans out of his partner. Using a finger, Daryl slowly entered Rick's opening and he gently moved it back and forth, slowly sliding in additional fingers until he had three. 

He'd never given Rick a slow build up like this before and he could tell, the older man was in a frenzy already. After removing his fingers Daryl entered Rick as gently has he could with his rock hard cock and the warm tight sensation almost made Daryl black out. He hadn't felt this in so long. He thrust gently and knew if Rick moaned one more time it would be over. The sound of his voice could have probably gotten Daryl off tonight without even a touch. Knowing he was going soon, he reached around for Rick's cock, took it selfishly from Rick's own hand and pumped it himself, feeling leaking precum already. They've never done it like this before either, with Daryl taking and giving at the same time and it was so erotic to have control of both sides, that Daryl exploded inside Rick bucking his hips and shuddering. "Jesus Chris, Rick" the hunter cried and he could feel Rick's body shutter and felt the cum dripping through his fingers. 

He hobbled to the bathroom, washed his hands, and got a damp towel to clean his lover off with. Rick lay spent on the floor. Breathing heavy. Rick cleaned him and got him into the bed. As usual Daryl had his arm wrapped around Rick and Rick's head rested on the hunters broad chest. "Talk to me again?" Daryl asked.

It was quiet for several minutes. "I'm scared of them." Rick said in a whisper. 

Petting his head, Daryl asked- "What are you scared of?" 

"They don't know me anymore. I'm not who they lost. I'm different. Messed up. Afraid of soup and terrified of looking anyone in the eye but you."

"We're all messed up. It's ok. All we have to do is breathe. Just keep breathing" Daryl murmered. "You don't have to be who you were. You just have to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am way too addicted to this website. Someone needs to cut me off!


	6. How and When

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Rick's first night facing everyone at the dinner table, he can't sleep. Now that he's started talking and thinking, he can't stop. And he turns to Daryl, as he always does.

Rick remained in the arms of his lover and protector that first night after eating with the others in the kitchen. It didn't really go well, Rick thought. He knew Daryl had higher hopes. He didn't deserve the reward he got from Daryl afterwards, although Rick was fairly certain it was for finally speaking, not really for his unsuccessful attempt to feed himself soup in front of others.

At this moment, Rick was in absolute peace. The room was dark. The house was quiet. And with his head against Daryl's chest, he rose and fell with the hunter's breathing. He could hear Daryl's heart beating when he laid against him like this and that was the most soothing sound in the world.

Daryl had told him he didn't have to be who he was. Could that be true? Could Rick just become a different man? He would never be a leader anymore because he only knew which way to go when Daryl was ahead of him. 

He couldn't be a sheriff, a moderator, a negotiator... He could barely speak. He found his son after 8 months and hasn't said a word to him. Is that the kind of man he's going to be? One who ignores his own son?

He has to figure himself out. Has to be something, someone. But all he wants to be right now is Daryl's. And having to figure out what to do and say outside the four walls of their room still made Rick tremble.

Rick could tell by how the breathing changed beneath him, that the trembling had woken Daryl.

Daryl brought a hand up and brushed it through Rick's thick curl's. "I'm right here." Daryl whispered, sleep heavy in his voice.

Rick slowly sat up.

"Wha's the matter?" Daryl murmured, moving his caresses to Rick's back.

Rick got out of bed and started pacing. Daryl quickly got to his feet. "Wha's the matter?" he asked again. Using both hands to grip the man's arms and hold him in place.

"I have to talk to Carl. I know I do." Rick said, still raspy.

"Yes." Daryl said, "You do."

"Well, what do I say?"

Rick was completely helpless, couldn't eat without Daryl, couldn't sleep without him, can't make words work any more without him.

Daryl sat him down on the edge of the bed and crawled behind straddling him and started rubbing his shoulders and massaging his back. "What do you want to tell him?" Daryl asked

Rick's head sunk as Daryl's rough thumbs dug into his neck to rub the stress away.

"That I'm sorry." Rick said.

"Fer what?"

"Sorry I couldn't find him sooner. That I wasn't there when he needed me and that I'm not even here now."

"Well, there you go, you could just say that." Daryl recommended. He'd always thought people talked too much anyway. Just say it straight. Get to the point. The irony is not lost on him that a person who hated everyone else's gabbing so much, literally got a hard on last night just from hearing the sound of Rick's raspy voice.

"I can't." Rick said flatly.

Daryl felt the man relax a bit with the massage and hated to spring something on him in the middle of the night, but it's time. He needs the push to understand that Daryl can't hold his hand forever. In a perfect world Daryl would stand by his side and walk with him the ends of the earth, but this wasn't a perfect world. Far from it.

Hershal and Daryl had a conversation at the door during the drop-off for lunch earlier. They'd spoken quietly and Rick never even thought to ask what it was about. Didn't care. 

"Rick. I need to go out tomorrow. Their havin' trouble with the food situation. Lot of the places nearby Glenn's already cleaned out. Michonne and Carl tried their hands at hunting, but, 's not workin. I need to just slip out for a couple of hours and track us down something. Can you stay in here and be ok?"

"No" Rick said flatly.

Daryl felt Rick tense up like a board and continued to dig his thumbs deep into his delicate lovers shoulder blades.

"Do you want to come with me? A little hunting trip?"

"No"

Daryl wrapped his arms around Rick.

"You have no idea how much I love having you so dependant on me. No one has ever needed or wanted me before. I love you so much, Rick. You know how much I need you too, right?" 

It was a build up to an ultimatum. He knew it. Rick started to sob.

Daryl hugged him tighter. "We can't not contribute. I have to help them. Look at how they are helping us. At how patient they are with us. All you have to do is wait for me." 

He paused, hoping to elicit a response from Rick. Continued in a whisper when he got none, "I promise you... I'll come back. I'll come right back in the front door, march right into this room and fuck you however you want it." 

There was once a time where a sentence like that sounded so dirty and cheap to Rick, but the way his redneck said it with his soft voice against the back of Rick's neck, was seductive and sexy and loving. And frankly made him instantly hard.

"When would you go?" Rick asked.

"Could get it over with if you wanted. Leave in few hours 'round dawn?"

Rick let himself slide from the bed to the floor and put his head in his hands.

"Hey," Daryl stood and put out a hand reaching for him. "Stand up and come outside with me."

"What?" Rick said at almost his normal volume.

"Come outside with me. Everyone's asleep. It's so quiet. Let's just sit outside a while, it's a nice night."

Rick reached for his hand and stood. Kept his lover's hand tightly gripped and his body language answered. He would do it.

Daryl carefully walked him to the door and opened it. Looked out and back at Rick "Coast is clear". Rick suddenly felt like a teenager sneaking out of girls room after her parents came home early.

They walked quietly to the front of the house. Daryl didn't make a sound. He always moved so quietly. So sexy. Rick was still hard. Quietly opening a slightly squeaky front door, the hunter stepped out first and then Rick slowly followed. Both just had a pair of sweatpants on. No socks or shirts. But the air felt nice on their skin.

Rick's eyes darted everywhere. He tried to plant his feet on the porch but Daryl teased and enticed him. 

"Awww, c'mon lover. I want to sit with you in the moonlight." Daryl smiled, encouraging his lost friend to follow.

They sat at the base of a large Pecan tree not far from the porch. Both leaned into each other and looked up at the moon sitting with the sides of their bodies touching tight. 

Daryl put a knife down beside them that Rick hadn't noticed him bringing. Still had to play it safe. There were no sounds on the wind. Good regarding the walkers, but made Daryl wonder how successful he'd be on a hunt. Almost too quiet. 

"Wanna know when I fell in love with you Daryl Dixon?" Rick asked out of nowhere.

Daryl smiled. "Hell yah"

Rick grinned. God Daryl has missed that grin. He loop his arm through Rick's and rested his hand on Rick's knee. It wasn't shaking so bad anymore.

"Was it in the in woods? Daryl asked thinking of that first animalistic kiss. He was certain that part of it must have come from the hunter providing, protecting and frankly just being the only one around. In Daryl's mind, he couldn't think of any other reason why a man like Rick would want a fucked-up redneck Dixon.

"No." Rick laughed and shook his head keeping his eyes on the ground in front of him. Nervously picking at blades of grass.

"Back at the farm." he said

Daryl's jaw dropped. "You fucking with me, Rick Grimes?"

"Naw. It was at the farm." Rick was nodding his head as he spoke. "You were walking back from being out looking for Sophia for the millionth time. But this time, you hadn't come back. You were gone way too long. I couldn't stop thinking about you. This man puttin on such a tough guy front but completely lasered in on the hopeless task of finding a lost little girl in the middle of the apocalypse." Rick paused. "You would NOT give up."

Daryl was fascinated. Was this for real?

"Then ya come back looking so half dead that Andrea shot ya. Might have looked half dead to her, but goddamn." Rick shook his head still picking at the ground below him. "You'd been so strong and determined. Your eyes. Your muscles. Your shoulders. I was in the room when Hershal and Beth cleaned you up. First time you gave me a hard on, you were unconscious." he chuckles.

Rick looks over hesitantly. 

Daryl was stunned. Not knowing what to say he asked- "When was the second time?"

"Same night... when I jerked off out back thinking about your body and your face and your hands all over me." Rick smiled again. 

Two smiles in one night and finally talking again. Daryl had so much hope. Was so excited for Rick to come completely back.

Daryl leaned over and kissed him on the mouth. "Thank you for telling me that. I like that."

Rick nudged Daryl. "Now you go." he said.

Daryl grinned. "Prison. You were goin mad. Maybe something about seeing someone as tortured as me... it made me take notice. I kept my eyes on you out of worry. We all needed ya. Then... y'know cause my eyes were on you already just y'know making sure ya didn't do anything stupid... cause frankly, you were always doin something stupid... I happened to notice your arms and stomach, the line of your jaw" Daryl paused and ran his hand along side Rick's stubble. He'd finally let Daryl shave the haggard beard two days ago. It was so wonderful to see his face again. "And the way you'd hold my gaze, the way you moved, and .... well, your ass." 

Rick laughed.

"You have a nice fucking ass, Rick Grimes"

Daryl shifted around in front of Rick putting his legs over his lovers, crotches close, hands wrapped around the back of his neck and kissed him deeply. "And nice lips." And in between kissing, Daryl kept murmuring "And a sexy voice." 

Feeling Rick just as hard as he was as they ground their cocks together through the sweatpants, Daryl whispered "Are you still thinking bout that fuck I promised you? Just cause I promised you one after hunting doesn't mean I can't give you one now too y'know." Daryl felt Rick nod in the affirmative as their kisses deepened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next time! Please leave comments or feedback if you have any. I'd love everyone's thoughts on this as I move forward on it. I don't have it planned out. It's just falling out of me, so any inspiration is welcome!


	7. In the Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right where it left off. An early fall night, outside with Rick and Daryl. Daryl tries to intertwine their love-making with his pet project of building Rick's confidence back up.

Daryl pulled away but kept his gaze on Rick's glazed over blue eyes. He took a second to listen again. Making sure there were no moans of the dead, no rustling in the woods. The night was still and silent. The hunter stretched out on his back on the ground and reached an arm out for Rick to join him. 

Rick crawled towards his hunter with a perplexed look. If Daryl was offering something, shouldn't Rick be the one on the ground? And more often than not, on his stomach? He knelt in front of Daryl's chest. Admiring it. Watching his steady, confident breaths. 

"Thought you were offering something." Rick murmured in a clumsy attempt to be seductive that almost made Daryl laugh out loud. The hunter adored this man and wanted to help him. Knew he may never be the Rick Grimes from the past, but wanted to help him become the best Rick Grimes he could be.

"Kinda had a better idea." Daryl grinned devilishly.

Rick sat back on his heals and cocked his head in curiosity. Reminded Daryl of a stray dog he had once taken a shine too. Would do the same thing. Cock his head and look at you when he was tryin' really hard to understand.

Daryl leaned up on one elbow and patted the ground next to him, instructing Rick again without words to lie beside him. Rick complied. He lay on his back expecting Daryl to roll onto him and start grinding. But Daryl just kept their eyes locked. Knew as long as he held the gaze, Rick would never look away. He was never the first to look away and often kept his eyes on Daryl for hours after they broke eye contact. The sight of him made it easier for Rick to breathe.

Rick leaned over, kissing Daryl and tugging at him begging for his lifeline's body to consume his own. Maybe Daryl wanted to do the new way they'd been trying. Face to face instead of from behind so they could see eachother. Watch eachother's bliss. That would make sense why Rick would be on his back. But he was growing frustrated and tugging more aggressively to pull Daryl onto him.

Daryl was growing hard as a rock over the bit of aggression in Rick's grasps and tugs.

"Now" Rick whined in Daryl's ear. In his desperate writhing Rick had somehow ended up partially on top of his lover, grinding against him.

"What's it feel like when I'm in you?" Daryl asked between heated kisses. 

"Amazing" Rick answered rushed pressing his lips back into Daryl's before he even finished the word. Daryl laughed quietly. "Seriously." He put a gentle hand on Rick's chest to slow him down. "Tell me."

Rick tried to concentrate on the conversation. He was so desperate for touch, but wanted to give Daryl what he needed. "Feels complete. Like you are completely with me. As close as humanly possible. Like I'm yours."

"I wanna be yours." Daryl said heatedly. 

Rick sat back up on his heals and cocked his head again. 

"I want you to be inside me." Daryl said breathily. He grinned again devilishly at Rick. "Take me." he continued firmly. "I am yours, right?" 

Rick nodded "But I don't know what to do..." he muttered. 

"You know." Daryl said confidently. Their eyes didn't break as Daryl reached over and rubbed at Rick's cock, still hard from the grinding. He was relieved that his nerves over the conversation hadn't deflated him. 

"You want me right?" Daryl asked feeling slightly guilty that part of this was an exercise in trying to increase Rick's confidence. But tingling at the the thought of actually being taken by his lover after all this time.

Seconds ticked by and Daryl started to worry that he might be pushing too hard and maybe it wasn't the right time yet. But Rick's blue eyes seemed to grow a darker blue and he leaned over Daryl kissing him gently, running his hand along his face and then pulling away as his index finger ran against the hunters lips, swollen a bit from kissing. 

Slowly pushing a finger between his lips, Rick commanded "Suck". Rick knew Daryl had a bit of an oral fixation. Always licking his own fingers after meals, bitting on his nail. Daryl complied sucking on Rick's finger and continuing when Rick slipped in a second. 

Daryl had never been harder. The sound of Rick's long lost commanding voice was erotic and powerful. He wiggled out of his sweats as he continued sucking on Rick's fingers. He dug his heals into the ground and Rick took his moistened fingers down to Daryl's entrance and slowly started inserting his index finger. 

Daryl was so turned on. His eyes rolled back in his head as Rick started inserting the second finger. "Yes." Daryl muttered. 

Rick felt around. Pushed in an out slowly. Tried to imagine what it was going to feel like with his cock in there. It was so tight and hot. He suddenly couldn't wait. Up on his knees, eager and no longer in control of his thoughts, he started to move instinctually. He pulled his sweats off, spit into his had like he's seen Daryl do so often, and rubbed at his cock allowing the tip to gently touch Daryl's entrance as he was preparing himself. "Fuck, Rick. Jesus." Daryl cried at the tease. "Put it in."

Rick slowly entered the man, slow and gentle like Daryl has been recently with him. Daryl let out a long slow growl that lasted the entire time that Rick slowly pushed the entire length of his cock into the hunter. It felt unbelievable. Daryl around him tight, hot, his. His mind wasn't processing anything but how to move and what felt best. He knew he should keep the gentle pace a while longer but he was not in control of himself. He started pumping harder and faster into Daryl.

Daryl was in extacy. Rick was right. He did feel complete. He felt consumed and owned. As Rick's pace quickened Daryl gasped and came hard between them. 

As Rick saw what he had the power to do, watching his hunter writhe and cum beneath him, Rick also came hard deep inside of Daryl and collapsed on top of him.

Daryl listened cautiously as their breathing slowed. Still no noise in the quiet early fall night.

Daryl kissed Rick's head. "Thank you, lover" he whispered. Hoping that Rick maybe felt a little more empowered by the switch of rolls. "That was un-fucking-believable." And Daryl meant every word of it, surprising himself at how much he enjoyed being on the receiving end.

As they quietly re-entered their room and climbed into bed, Rick resumed his normal sleeping position, curled up in Daryl's arms. Head on his chest.

"Not this morning. But tomorrow." Rick said.

"What are you talking about?" Daryl asked, his mind fuzzy and his ass still tingling in memory of Rick being a part of him.

"When you go out hunting. Not in few hours. Just give me one more day and you can go tomorrow." Rick explained, his voice growing quiet and heavy with exhaustion.

"That sounds fair" Daryl whispered, petting Rick's head gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback and comments welcome! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the direction as this story continues. Coming soon, Rick has to deal with Daryl leaving for a hunting trip. Also- Rick will be spending some time trying to reconnect with his son. Hope you all keep reading!  
> Thanks!


	8. Costco, Ailse 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group eat together again for breakfast. Rick speaks.

Hershal knocked the customary two times around breakfast followed up by a third knock. Rick was in the bathroom (at least he did some things by himself, Daryl thought).

Daryl opened the door. "Hey- Just didn't wanta fuss with the tray if you thought maybe you'd come on out again and join us for breakfast." Hershal said in his soft coddling voice. 

At some point Daryl would have to tell him to stop that coddling shit with him. Yes, Rick needed it, but goddamnit, did it ever annoy Daryl. Looking over at the closed bathroom door and back, Daryl replied "Don't fuss with the tray. We'll come out."

Hershal just smiled and nodded.

When Rick climbed back into bed he still had a dopey grin on. Same one since he woke up. Kissing on Daryl. Talking about how nice the air was last night. Dancin around talking about the details, but clearly he'd enjoyed the twist in their relationship.   
Looking around for the tray he said "Smells so good this morning. Sweet. What is it?"

"Don't know yet. 's out in the kitchen." He responded pulling on a Tshirt.

"oh. I thought I heard the door."

"Yah. Told him we'd come out."

"Again?" Rick asked almost like a sullen child.

"Yah, why not?"

Rick just shrugged and started putting on a shirt. Sulking. He didn't really like sharin' Daryl with these other people. And he HATED that he still thought of them as "these other people." One was his goddamn son, for christ's sake.

"Whatever it is, you are going to eat the whole thing." Daryl spoke to Rick like he was a child. Then fussed over his mussed up hair, pulling out a leaf. "This won't look good" he smiled. Then fussed more with his hands through Rick's curls making sure there wasn't anything else telling there. Rubbed his hands over his own hair to shake anything out.

The two spaces side-by-side were open again for them when they walked into the kitchen. Everyone ate greedily not even pausing in conversation. Surely from Hershal's instruction.

"Smells good" Daryl said as he sat down and scootched his chair closer to Rick. That was the deal to get him out the door. He'd sit close so Rick could feel his thigh, know he was there.

"Pecan Cinnamon rolls" Maggie said cheerily. 

Daryl had already crammed half a one in his mouth. "MMmmm..." With his mouth still working on the roll he said "Never was much for sweets but man, I can't believe how much I missed this kinda shit."

He looked over at Rick and saw he was eating, but pickin' again like before.

"Michonne made them." Maggie said.

Daryl shook his head in disbelief. "Are you kidding me? "The samari?" He smiled at Michonne. 

"Don't worry, Katana's still on my back while I'm rolling the dough." she smiled.

"Know what I wish we had," Maggie said dreamily. "Banana's. I would love to make momma's banana bread. 'member that Daddy?" she said to Hershal. He nodded and grinned.

"So this one time," Daryl started, mouth full of another bite of those rolls "We were doing a run at a Cosco back at the prison."

Glenn laughed, shook his head and looked down. He clearly knew what story was coming.

"It was me, Glenn, Rick and Axel." He pointed at each man as he named them but, of course, had nowhere to point for Axel.

"Had the place pretty cleared out a walkers. Got about a dozen of them. Place was silent and we were all just getting ready to maybe breath a little easier, start grabbing for supplies. You could here a pin drop in that place. 

Glenn backs up in the produce section with his gun still sweeping the store, slips on a goddamn banana peal and hits the ground like a lead weight." Everyone at the table burst out laughing. "Gun goes clattering to the ground. Falls into a display a some shit I don't remember what and cans start crashing into the floor." 

Daryl glanced over. Even Rick was laughing. Softly. And he was smiling and shaking his head at the memory as he picked at his roll.

"I seen it a million times on the Three Stooges" Daryl continued, "But I'll be goddamned if I ever saw a real human being actually slip on a fuckin' banana peel."

"Yah," Glenn added as he rubbed at his thigh in memory. " 'S funny now but I had a bruise the size of a cantaloupe for a month!"

Everyone laughed again harder.

"Axel laughed so hard he pissed his pants." Rick said quietly. Still smiling and shaking his head back and forth in disbelief. But still keeping his eyes on this plate.

Daryl's heart surged at the sound of his voice. Participating. Interacting. There was a bit of quiet for a second then Hershal's scowl shook everyone out of it.

"That's right!" Glenn nodded.

"Good thing we were at a Costco cause we had to get him a pair 'a new pants a few aisles over." Daryl added. The laughter again. From everyone. It sounded so good. This is the way it ought to be.

"This sounds like a made up story." Michonne jokingly accused.

"Naw," Daryl insisted. "It happened. Probably another group a survivors tellin 'a same kinda story right now but about slipping on a pair of piss-soaked, prison-issue dungarees in ailes 7 of the Clairmont Costco." Daryl loved the sound of everyone's laughter. Especially that soft chuckle from Rick.

"Hey, Dad." Carl piped in "You remember that time mom was at that farmers market and grabbed an apple from the wrong spot? All of come fallin' down.?"

Rick didn't look up but nodded. In his slow way he responded "Yah, I remember."

Daryl patted his leg encouragingly.

Carl continued, clearly excited to be seeing his father participate. "You wanna help me chop wood today, Dad? Nights are gonna start getting chilly and I'm in charge of the wood. Right?" Carl turned to Hershal and Hershal nodded.

Still not able to look up, Rick answered "Maybe this afternoon, ok. I didn't sleep well. Gonna lay down a while longer." he glanced over at Daryl pleading for them to leave. Daryl eyed the last piece of cinnamon roll on his place reminding him wordlessly that he had to eat it all. Rick popped it in his mouth and practically swallowed it whole. Still looking at Daryl. Waiting on him so they could stand together. 

"Go on." Daryl said. "I'll be back in a little. Want to ask some questions about the huntin' for tomorrow, k?' Rick sulked. He stood and walked towards their bedroom door. He stopped after a few steps, and although he didn't look back or address anyone in particular he said "Thanks for Breakfast."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep the feedback coming! It's fueling my desire to keep digging into this one!!


	9. At the window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl sends Rick out to spend time with his son. As Daryl observes them from the window, he has a surprising chat with Michonne about guarding the grove.

After Rick padded off to the bedroom, Carl looked up at Daryl. He's not gonna come, is he?"

"He'll be there. You just go on out in a few hours and he'll join ya." Daryl answered confidently.

Carl still looked skeptical. But Daryl knew he could get Rick to do it. Might not like it. Sure as hell won't be happy about it. Gonna put on a hell of a pout fest about it, but Daryl knew he'd get him out one way or another. The progress has been showing. 

"Michonne- I'm going out at dawn tomorrow. Let's talk a little later bout the lay of the land, where ya been, where y'ave had any luck."

"Yah, you got it, whenever your ready." She replied.

Daryl put his head in his hands for a second, just rubbing some of his exhaustion and frustration out. 

"Well, I gotta go- 's gonna take a two hour pep talk to get his ass out the door so.." Daryl never finished the sentence. Just backed up his chair and walked to their room with purposeful steps.

Rick was standing by the window looking out. Chewing a nail of all things. That was a bad habit, Daryl knew for sure and had chewed chapped thumbnails on both hands to prove it. He walked over and gently knocked Rick's fingers out of his mouth. Hugged him from behind. Didn't like to do that tough love stuff without being a little gentle in between.

"Literally it was his first run out of the prison, saw the dead walking, running for our lives at one point and the guy pisses himself from laughing". Daryl chuckled and he could tell Rick was smiling.

"You gonna make me go out there this afternoon?" Rick asked

"Yup".

"I can do it."

"Know you can."

" 's long as you'll be there, y'know."

Daryl sighed. "Naw. You don't need me. That's yer boy. Wants to talk to you. Y'aint got nothing to be scared of."

Rick turned to face him. Daryl could see in his eyes it was gonna be a fight like he expected.

"Why? You don't have anything else to do. Why can't you just come out? How will I know where your at? What if something happens?" Rick started breathing faster, hyperventilating. 

"Slow down." Daryl said rubbing his back and holding him tight. "Stop talking and stop thinking ok? Let's take a break."

\-----------

It really did take nearly a good two hours to convince Rick to get his ass outside and cut wood with his son. Daryl leaned in the window sill looking out as Rick slowly...seriously slowly ...started trudging over to the wood pile where Carl was already hard at work. Rick looked back to the window making sure that Daryl was right were he said he'd be and Daryl nudged him on with a nod.

Good damn thing that Daryl had already fallen so hard for the man and already had completely committed himself, even back at the prison, to look after him, guard him with his life. But always thought that would involve knifin' walkers and saving his ass from other people (who were more often than not worse than the walkers). Never thought he'd be saving him from his damn self. Can't use a crossbow fer that. And Daryl was never good with words. How he kept figuring out how to say all the right things lately was beyond him.

Shaken out of his thoughts by a tap at the door, Daryl quickly refocused outside and saw Rick standing near Carl listening to the boy. Couldn't tell from this angle if he was making eye contact or not. The door knocked again "yah" Daryl yelled over his shoulder, not leaving his perch on the window.

"Hey." It was michonne's voice. He hadn't turned around.

"Hey" Daryl replied

Michonne came to the window to watch. "Not gonna take your eyes off him, huh?"

Daryl rolled his eyes a bit. "Only way I could convince him to go was if i'd be right here the whole time". Daryl acted like it was a hassle, but really, anytime spent just gazing at Rick was time well spent in his book.

"So- you run into many walkers out around here? How's it been out huntin... Or tryin to at least " Daryl teases.

"A few. Mostly singles. Stragglers. We've been pretty lucky really."

"Any other people come around since yah been here?"

"No- none. Luckier that way."

"Still gotta be careful though. Still should have someone on shift guarding. Can't believe you guys have gotten that comfortable yah don't have a lookout."

"Oh we do."

Daryl turned to her. "Who? I seen ya all eatin every damn meal together like it's the Brady bunch."

"Oh yah." Michonne admitted. "We've slipped a little. Don't have anyone up there during meals. Only like 30-40 minutes. Rest of the time though. 4-hour shifts"

Daryl started to become a bit concerned and had a flash of Rick's naked, lean body stretched out next to him in the moonlight.

"Where's 'up there'?" Daryl asked and shifted his eyes directly to Michonne's.

She had a giant grin on her face. Pointed up "roof." 

Daryl nodded and looked back out the window checking on Rick. He was holding an ax. Good sign. Participating. Hopefully talking.

Trying to be nonchalant he asked "who was on last night?"

"Me." Michonne said, still grinning and rocking back and forth on her heals.

Daryl shifted his eyes back to her. "See anything?"

"Oh yah. I saw something."

Daryl sighed and dropped his head. "Please stop grinning at me."

"I gotta tell ya, Daryl. It was quite a show. Had no idea you guys were....so close. Can't say I'm surprised the way ya act around each other. Haveta admit though. Didn't expect that you'd ummm that things 'a ya know shake out that direction if ya know what I mean?"

Daryl knew. He hadn't forgotten the HE was the one being fucked in the moonlight. 

"Well, it's really none of your goddamn business."

"Hey- I'm not here ta judge. I think it's sweet."

"Christ, ya hear anything?" Daryl asked reddening

"Nah. You two were all whispery and shit"

"Well, can ya just keep it to yer damn self? Please?"

"Mums the word." She said. And quietly watched along with Daryl as Rick took a swing at a chunk of wood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will focus on the conversation happening outside with Rick and Carl. Please leave comments and feedback if you can! Love to hear everyone's thoughts!


	10. The other side of the window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick finally talks to Carl.

Other side of the window

Rick watched Carl from the door before he started making his way through the back yard. He watched his kid lift that heavy ax over his head and split three logs right in half, one after another. Just with one whack a piece. He was proud and impressed. He slowly started walking out to the yard, hands in the pockets of a new pair of jeans. (Well, new to him anyway)

He glanced back at their bedroom window and Daryl was there like he promised. Arms resting on the window sill and chin resting on his arms. Daryl gave him a slight nod to move along.

Carl took notice to his father's approach and used more force than he had been to split the log he was working on, obviously trying to show off.

"Hey." Carl said. Tossing the two pieces aside.

Rick looked back at the window. Daryl was still there. 

"Hey". Rick replied and he actually looked at Carl. Not in the eyes, but looked towards him at least.

After a minute or two of awkward silence and another split log Rick asked. "How'd you get all those muscles?" Tryin to force an easy grin that wasn't so easy. "You've grown so much. Got so strong."

"Got to, now, y'know." Carl answered sounding more and more like a man than a boy. He grabbed another log.

Carl went through another log or two before Rick could figure out something else to say.

"All of you end up straight here after the prison?" Rick asked. Couldn't take credit for it though. That was one 'a Daryl's suggestions when Rick was hyperventilating about not knowing what to say.

"No, not right away" Carl answered. He clearly wasn't nervous at all even though he knew his once strong father was weak and timid and terrified. Carl didn't try to baby talk him the way the others did. 

Rick waited for Carl to take another swing at the log. Looked back at the window for Daryl and let out his held breath when he saw him still standing there.

Carl knew he was going to have to handle most of the conversation. After his next log fell into two pieces he continued.

"Prison was a mad house that last day. Everyone running every which way. I tried to get up to you, but it was just chaos." He grabbed another logged and rubbed against his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt. Rick thought it seemed such a grown-up movement. "Once the walkers started coming, drawn by all that noise, I didn't think anyone else was still alive... Then out of nowhere Michonne just dragged me out the gate by the collar and we ran. Mean we ran for like two days straight -running. Not sure if the herd was on our heals or the governor's people, or what."

He continued when he noticed that Rick was finally looking right at him as he spoke.

"So it was just me and Michonne at the start. For maybe a couple weeks. Found a neighborhood. Cleared a house that we stayed in. She taught me to use the Katana. I'm pretty good with it, bet you'd be surprised!"

"Bet I wouldn't" Rick said with a gentle smile showing confidence in his young son. A survivor. A contributor. A man now.

Carl beamed. 

"So...," he paused, took a whack at the log in front of him but it was fairly thick and didn't split on the first hit. Leaned on the ax as he continued, "...couple weeks of it just bein us we hear a car drivin in slow. Both of us at the window. We'd a rather heard walkers than people. But I seen Glenn's baseball cap in the driver's seat. And long grey hair in the passenger. Knew it was them. Just knew it. Turned out to be Maggie too."

Rick slowly nodded his head.

"Then we started digging into all these maps and stuff. Trying to figure out what's best. Tryin a find a place like Hershel's again. 'S far away as we can get but close enough to be able to do scavenge runs without having to over night them." 

"That was smart." Rick responded. "You guys did real good. Real good." 

Rick was pleased with himself. He'd had a conversation. Didn't think he fucked it up either. 

He reached for another one of the axe's, getting ready to take a whack at this new log himself.

"What about you?" Carl asked softly. "What happened to you guys out there?"

Rick dropped the axe to the side and sat on a stump. Carl sat on a log next to him. He was patient. 

Rick glanced back for Daryl. Still there.

"Just in the woods. Forever. Not a lot to eat or drink. Never passed any places to scavenge. Be dead if Daryl didn't know how to hunt."

"Lot a walkers?" Carl asked nodding.

"Some."

"Other people?" 

"No". Rick shuddered at the thought of those days Daryl was down unconscious from the fever, leaving Rick alone. Almost quite literally no people for a while there.

"What was the worse thing that happened out there?"

Rick's eyes glazed over. Wasn't anticipating such a direct question. 

Carl was patient while Rick thought. He thought of how hungry they were. Thirsty. Tired. Thought of Daryl's fever. The loneliness. The day he literally tried to commit suicide by wolf but Daryl was too hard-headed to let it happen. Thought about the Boy Scouts. One in particular with dark hair and freckles. 

The worse thing? Was all those things.

"Walker... Looked like you." Rick said tearing up. Carl went to his dad and hugged him. Rick hugged back this time so tight he was afraid he was going to break some bones.

Carl laughed. "Don't waste all your strength hugging... We got logs to split."

Rick glanced back at the window and saw Daryl. It was the last time he needed to look for the afternoon. The next two hours were spent chopping, splitting and piling wood. And even a little more talking. 

Daryl continued to watch from the window. Grinning ear to ear. Maggie brought out lemonade at one point and Daryl could tell that Rick looked her in the eye and thanked her. 

His legs were getting stiff from standing there so long, but no way was he going to leave. At one point Rick had soaked through his shirt with sweat and took it off. That made the grueling task of standing by a window for hours a bit more enjoyable at least. 

After all that work to get Rick out of the room, Daryl found himself standing there impatiently waiting for him to return so he could shower him with kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll. Got another two chapters I'll probably post later. Kinda wishing I titled this thing different. It was initially gonna end after two chapters- just an experiment in something dark, but it just kept going. Shoulda called it "Coming out of the dark" or something like that. Ah well... Let me know your thoughts on how this is coming along. More to come soon!


	11. After a long hard day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place immediately after the last chapter. It's dinner after Rick's big day and some gratuitous sex just cause I can.

Daryl stayed tethered to that window even after he saw Rick smile over at him and both Rick and Carl walked around to the back door of the house, clearly calling it a day.

His heart was pounding. Thought this whole time Rick was the one with some kind of separation anxiety. Without Rick by his side for hours (even able to watch from a distance) was torture.

The bedroom door clicked open and Rick came in. Shirt still off, chest slick from sweat, color on his face from the sun and damp curls sticking to his forehead.

The hunter was still standing at the window leaning back with his feet crossed facing Rick as he came in. For a moment Daryl worried that this breakthrough would change everything. Would Rick need him at all anymore? Would he still want him?

But his fears were quickly put to rest as Rick dropped the sweat-soaked shirt in his hands to the floor and charged straight into Daryl's arms.

They kissed like they'd been apart for weeks, all passion, hands in each others hair, bodies so close a sheath of paper wouldn't fit between them. 

"I knew you could do it." Daryl said when they finally had to take a second to catch their breath. "Looked ok. Everything go ok?" He asked kissing on Rick's forehead, the corners of his eyes.

"Rick smiled at him. "You stayed at the window the whole time." 

Daryl Nodded. "Course. Told ya I would. Crossed my heart 'n everything."

"We were out there for three and a half hours." Rick marveled 

"Uh Yah. That reminds me- I seriously gotta take a piss" Daryl said. 

"You can go from Romeo to Redneck in like 2.5 seconds, you know that?" Rick said, pealing off his sweaty jeans.

"I know, my love. It's a curse." Daryl replied with a goofy bow on his way to relieve himself.

After they had a shower Rick went on for 45 minute about Carl. How strong he was and did Daryl notice how tall he'd gotten and what he's done to fix up the house and how his voice has changed and did he see how he was splitting that wood? On and on. But Daryl was so glad to hear it. Knew it was a really big hump for Rick to get over. Probably will make it easier for when he's out hunting tomorrow. Won't be a window between 'em then.

There were three quick knocks on the door. Daryl opened it. Hershal said "Just so ya know, we're not giving room service options anymore so you two can come on out for dinner. It's ready" He said it with joy in his tone. 

"On our way Daryl said"

He looked at Rick. "Your good right?" 

"Yah". Rick said a little reluctantly. As the hunter turned to leave though, Rick grabbed his shoulder- "same seats though, right?"

"Yah," Daryl smiled. "Same seats."

All seated around the table, Rick did seem more comfortable. He talked a little. Still didn't look anyone in the eye though. 'Cept Daryl and Carl. Dinner was spaghetti and Rick showed no signs of being scared of it like his recent soup-phobia.

Daryl didn't pull his chair over thigh to thigh, though he kinda wanted to for his own selfish reasons. And he didn't know whether to be pleased or disappointed when Rick saw he wasn't going to move and picked his own chair up to settle next to Daryl. 

Carl was telling Rick more about the garden they had out back and Glenn mentioned that he could even seen the giant red tomatoes from the roof when he's on watch. 

Daryl suddenly remembered what he'd meant to fill Rick in on but couldn't get a word in edgewise after Rick's goin on and on like it was his first day of school. Next to him, Rick started chocking on a mouthful of spaghetti.

Daryl thumped him on the back. "Getting his appetite back. Eating too fast" Daryl explained to the table. Caught a glimpse of Michonne just smiling ear to ear.  
He gave her a threatening look. And she finally spoke up.

"Yah, I was up there last night. Saw the tomatoes. Nothin else though. Nothin. Just tomatoes and like... I think a bird at one point."

Daryl thanked her with his eyes.

Daryl and Rick crawled right into bed together after dinner. Daryl planned to get up early and go hunting. Just be a few hours he promised. Rick wanted to spend all night kissing and grinding against him, running his hands along his thighs and his chest. All the confidence he'd gained in the past 24 hours was spilling out of him.

But Daryl kept trying to explain he needed his sleep. Eventually Daryl knew he'd have to do something to get Rick off. Knew he deserved it too . Big day and all. It's not that Daryl didn't want it- he was just trying to be focused. Didn't want to let everyone down coming back with nothing tomorrow. Had a lot on his mind. But he wanted his partner to have a good end to this day.

Daryl had Rick pinned on his back as they were kissing, then put his hand on the former sheriff's chest like he does to slow down his breathing during panic attacks. They were already naked. Daryl kept his eyes on Rick's and slowly dragged his fingers from his chest to his belly to the patch of hair that took him all the way between his legs. Rick's eyes closed and he moaned. 

Daryl kept watching him. Loved seeing his face when he was all heated up. So damn sexy.

Daryl kissed his way from Rick's neck to his waist. 

"What 'r you doin?" Rick moaned. 

Daryl didn't answer, just continued licking inside his thighs all around everywhere but the main attraction.

"What 'r you doin?" Rick moaned again.

"What do you think I'm doing, dumbass?" Daryl smiled up at his lover's mussed up curls and glazed-over eyes.

"You never done this before" Rick said with quickened breaths.

Daryl ran his tongue from the base of Rick's cock slowly up to it's tip.

Rick groaned. Daryl was surprised that after all this time he hadn't thought to go down on Rick. He knew he had a bit of an oral fixation, always chewin on his nails, the cigarettes when he had 'em, chewin on a toothpick. Hell he usually went without silverware cause he LIKED being able to lick his fingers after eating. According to Merle, Daryl even sucked his thumb well into his early teens.

So far it seemed a natural thing to do and his mouth was enjoying it. Sliding down the whole way and swirlin his tongue around like Rick had done to him. Why hadn't he done this before? 

He heard Rick's slow groan turn into a growl while Daryl moved his mouth up and down. He wondered if maybe he'd been feelin too alpha male when they were practically animals. 

But now, although Daryl was the one bent over before Rick, doing the pleasuring, he heard those moans and felt like he had the most power he's ever had in his life. Felt like he was actually the one completely in control. 

As he changed from licking to sucking, moving from the base to the tip, cupping him, Daryl grew hard from the power and the sound of Rick's throaty growls. Daryl's hardened cock rubbed up and down against Rick's leg as the hunter toyed around with his tongue.

"Daryl, Jesus" Rick murmured. "I'm gonna fucking explode" 

Daryl slowed his pace wanting to drag Rick on longer, but Rick unexpectedly reached down with both hands grabbed Daryl's head and controlled the pace til he climax with the loudest groan that has ever escaped his lips.

The rumble of it made Daryl cum too- all over the clean sheets and along Rick's leg as he swallowed and tasted Rick for the first time.

They both lay panting like dogs on a scorching hot summer day. They were both deliriously spent. 

Daryl had butterflies in his stomach. Finally knew what that saying meant. He was so in love with this man who was learning with him how to give and receive and how to take and beg and how to love and live in this fucked-up world.

Finally, moving positions so they could look into each others eyes, Rick spoke first "Holy. Fucking. Shit." He laughed. "You are REALLY fucking good at that."

"Just did it like you did to me." Daryl answered brushing it off, although he relished in the compliment. 

"When did you get so aggressive?-- taking what you want so forcefully.... THAT was fucking hot!" Daryl asked still tingling in his belly from the feeling of Rick's strong hands in his hair, pushing into him.

"Well", Rick said, "clearly we have a lot more to do together" and he kissed Daryl's mouth with his full soft lips.

"MmmmHmm." Daryl murmured.

"So don't be too long tomorrow, ok?" Rick asked, the timidness creating back into is voice. 

"I won't". He promised.

After they were cleaned up, Rick lay in his usual position- his head on Daryl's chest.

Daryl brushing his fingers through those curls.

"Do you think Michonne saw us last night?" Rick asked naively.

"Hell ya she saw us." 

Rick popped his head up. "Really? You think? How do you know?"

"Cause she came in here and fuckin told me she saw us!" Daryl whispered loudly.

"What? Why didn't you fuckin tell me before dinner. I almost died!"

Daryl rolled his eyes "I've seen you almost die a thousand times and coughing with spaghetti in your mouth is not even in the top 500 times you almost died."

"You shoulda told me"

"I couldn't get a damn word in edgewise. Ever since you started talking again... Damn- you don't shut up." Daryl said it with a giant smile. And kissed Rick on the mouth. Partially because he wanted to taste his sweet lips and partially because he honestly wanted him to stop talking. He had a big day ahead. Wanted to feel like a provider again . "I swore her to secrecy." He said and let Rick snuggle into his normal position rubbing his back until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming soon- Daryl's hunting trip, the rest of the house finding out about the actual relationship between Daryl and Rick (spoiler, it's not from Michonne spilling the beans), a little drama in the house from this revelation, and thanks to some encouragement and feedback from commenters (particularly bootsrcool) I've got a great planned out vision of how to bring in an outsider in a very unique way. Got a few chapters to write before I can get to that though. Bear with me!


	12. Hunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick waits impatiently for Daryl's return.

Daryl woke before the sun was even cracking the sky. He slipped quietly out of Rick's arms without waking him. Stood by the bed a minute to admire what he had. A strong but sensitive good man. Sexy as hell asleep stretch out all lean and naked cept' for the boxers. Breathing nice and steady now and no nightmares dancing on the lids of his eyes. Curls all askew from being slept on. Rough calloused hands that somehow felt more gentle on Daryl's skin than silk. And best yet, he was starting to believe Rick didn't just "need" him, but "wanted" him. 

As he dressed he tried to decide whether to wake him or just leave a note. Pros and cons to both. In the end he admitted going with a selfish choice and woke him for a kiss before he left.

As he leaned over, crossbow already sling over his back, he whispered into Rick's sleeping ear "just a few hours. I love you." Rick stirred still heavy with sleep. Gave Daryl the courtesy of not fighting him on it too hard.

"Don't leave me". Rick murmured, sleep thick on his tongue. 

"It's not leaving if I'm coming back. I'm coming back. Go back to sleep, baby." Daryl kissed him gently on the lips, rubbed his head, fingers gently waving through Rick's mop of curls until, barely awake in the first place, he was sleeping again.  
\-------------  
The door knocked three times as Rick lay in bed still. The sun high enough in the sky that it was probably breakfast. Looking around the room, Rick panicked. He didn't open the door. Never opened it. Daryl opened the door and he wasn't here. Another thee knocks and Rick still hadn't moved.

"Dad?" 

"Yah." Rick answered as he scooted up in bed, hands wrapped around his knees. 

"It's breakfast. Michonne cooked. 'S real good. I already sneaked a bite."

"I'll be out in a minute ok?" Rick answered reaching for a tshirt.

He used the bathroom and stood by  
The door starting to shake. He had to pull it together. Wanted to make Daryl proud of him. Wanted to be a good dad too.

Thought of how proud Daryl would be coming back from hunting to see Rick out in the kitchen with everyone all by himself. Without Daryl's thigh against him holding him in place. 

Rick walked out. Alone. And sat in his normal chair. He knew Daryl wasn't going to be sitting there but his heart sank again anyway at it's emptiness. 

"Morning, Rick". Hershal said 

Rick nodded. Someone had already put a roll on his plate. 

"You guys made good work of that wood pile yesterday." Glenn said.

Rick nodded again. Grinned at his Roll and glanced up at Carl.

"Carl's the strongest 15-year-old I've ever seen." Rick said.

Maggie quickly agreed. "When we were on the road here, we ran into some walkers, not many. Enough tho. Your kid was so much shorter then. At a real disadvantage with that. We were all fighting them off. Running out of ammo and going one on one with our knives, 'Chonne's Katana. Had one sneak up behind me. Carl had climbed on the car so he could reach the walkers head. Jumped off that car like Rambo, knife went right through the top of the rotter's head. Honest to god I didn't see that one coming. Saved my life."

Carl shined. Loved hearing that story again. He was so on autopilot and barely remember it, but everyone else remembers. And that was the day he was treated more like an equal. And he liked that.

Rick was beaming at him. "You did good, son." He nodded.

After breakfast Rick started the pacing. Looking at his watch at the sun. 

At one point Michonne put a hand on his shoulder. Rick flinched but she didn't remove it. 

"Rick." She said harshly. "He'll be back." 

"He said a few hours and it's been like four already. What if..."

Michonne stopped him in mid sentence. "Do not be putting a time on this. If he's getting a trail on something you know he's not gonna stop til he gets it. Saw it in his eyes as he left. He don't want to come back empty handed. You need to be strong for him ok?"

Rick sulked. Sulked a lot lately and he knew it. Knew it was childish and stupid but couldn't help it. 

Carl came over after a lunch that Rick barely touched with a checkers set. "Wanna play?"

Rick had spent most of his pacing at the back door. Looking out into the woods. 

"Let's sit outside and play" Carl suggested.

"Kay" Rick relented.

It was a long afternoon and unusually hot for late September. Maggie somehow knew to gage the months and seasons by the stars.

Rick sat in the grass on his 20th game of checkers. He glanced into the woods after every move. Carl won. Again. 

"Let's take a break." Rick said, exhaustion and worry in his voice.

"Ok" Carl relented. "Wanna go inside? See some of my comic books?"

Rick put his hand on  
Carls shoulder and gave him a fatherly squeeze. 

"I'm just gonna sit our here a bit. Ok?"

Carl nodded. "Daryl will be back. I'm not worried." Carl said as he packed up the checkers.

Rick sat in the back yard, leaning back against one of the trees staring into the woods. Ears trying to listen for any creek or step that might be Daryl returning.

He knew he'd started breathing too fast again, on the cusp of hyperventilating and he put his hand on his chest imitating the feeling of Daryl trying to calm him.

He silently cursed all the racket in the kitchen. They were getting ready for dinner already! Dinner !! And Daryl still wasn't back. 

The screen door opened and closed and Maggie was at his side. "We were thinking about a picnic. Eating out here at the table" she said quietly in her sweet southern drawl. 

"Thank you Maggie," Rick said in his best attempt to speak slow and calmly. "Not really hungry tho. You eat. I'm gonna just hang here." He kept his eyes on the tree line. Maggie rubbed his arm. He stiffened a bit at her touch. " 's all right. You stay right here."

She came back and put a bowl and bottle of water next to him as the others were settling down about 20 feet over at the picnic table. "Just in case you get hungry."

He didn't reply, but glanced down when she left. Fucking soup. He pushed it over with the back of his hand not sure if anyone noticed. Didn't much care if they did.

As there quiet chattering and clinking silverware slowed and the meal was almost over Rick closed his eyes and put his head in his hands. It's been almost 12 hours. The sun was setting. He still sat in jeans and a tshirt. No socks. Hated socks. His socks had been damp every day for eight months tracking through woods and even now with the driest fluffiness pair Daryl could find him, they still felt wet and uncomfortable.

When he raised his head out of his hands he saw the movement in the trees. Familiar gait... Quiet steps... Broad shoulders... And Daryl stepped out of the woods with a bag full 'a something he caught at his side. Looking mighty pleased with himself. 

Rick jumped to his feet and ran to the treeline. Threw his arms around Daryl and without leaving time for a single word he covered the hunters mouth with his own. Hands wrapped tight around his back and Daryl let his bag drop to the ground and the crossbow slide from his shoulder.

"You said a few hours" Rick scolded between kisses

"Told ya I'd be back - got some stuff too..." He stopped mid sentence when he noticed everyone at the picnic table staring. "Jesus Christ , Rick- everyone's out here - what are you doing?" Although it was clearly too late, Daryl pulled his hands off Rick .

"I don't care." Rick said "I'm just so fucking glad to see you." And Rick kissed him again passionately.

Daryl grabbed Rick's head and pulled him closer. Devouring Rick like he was starving. Too late now, he figured.

Rick grabbed Daryl by the hand and they walked to the picnic table full of wide eyes and dropped jaws...and Michonne's giant smile.

Facing the group after their public display of affection, neither knew what to say. Neither did anyone at the table.

Finally Rick muttered "he's had a long day. He needs a nap." And dragged Daryl into the house. 

Daryl looked back - eyed the bag he'd dragged over to the picnic table. "Raccoons- two of 'em and a fox." And then he was tugged through the door and gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a side note- I've been writing most of this from my iPhone so please forgive any mistakes or misspellings! 
> 
> Still have some plans to add some tension and action, and of course some gratuitous sex just cause.


	13. Cat's out of the bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the PDA. Rick deals with Carl. Daryl deals with Hershal.

Once in the bedroom, Rick was insatiable. Couldn't take his hands off Daryl. Couldn't stop looking at him. 

Daryl understood. He'd stayed focused all day, got his kills. But once he was on the way back home it was all he could do but run. So eager to get back to Rick, feel his hands wrapped around him and listen to his voice.

They stood leaning against the bedroom door for what seemed like an hour gently kissing and murmuring to each other. "I couldn't feel my heart pumping the entire time you were gone." Rick whispered. 

Daryl wriggled his fingers into Rick's thick curls and kissed him deep and hard. Not as good with words, so he tried to express the same emotions with his mouth and his tongue. Rick signed softly.

Once they finally pulled apart. Rick backed up and sat on the bed.

Daryl started pulling off his muddy boots. "We'll, ya kinda let the cat out 'a the bag out there y'know." He said trying to look put off, but hiding a grin.

"There was nothing I could do." Rick said shrugging his shoulders. "My body and mind literally had no other option but to grab you in my arms."

Daryl smirked. "Well, y'know, I ain't had a thing to eat since I grabbed a cinnamon roll 'for I left this morning. Would love to go out and eat something, but I ain't gonna be the one facing all the questions. That's on you, now. Come to think of it. Did you eat dinner or were you just pouting all day?'

"Pouting." Rick said with a mock frown.

"Well, good, then get us both something. I gotta hop in the shower." Daryl said pulling his shirt over his head. That just made Ricks goofy grin even wider. Daryl held a hand back- "Food first! I know what you are thinking"

Rick grinned. "No problem. I'll go. I just don't care. Good. Now everyone knows I love Daryl Dixon. I'll go out now, bring us something to eat and make sure they all got the memo."

"You do that." Daryl said and smiled at him. 

\------------------

Rick opened the door. Surprised at the feeling of less .... fear. Maybe part of it had been admitting to this relationship although frankly he's suddenly feeling like it was a stupid thing to keep secret anyway. Hardly worth mentioning. Glenn and Maggie never officially said they were together. They were just always together and bam."

He could tell by the sounds in the house that some of the group had gone upstairs. There was still some noise in the kitchen. Probably whoever was on clean-up duty. 

He walked in to face Carl. 

"Dad" He said matter of factly. 

"Yah, hey. Ummm.. Daryl didn't get to eat... so I thought I'd bring him something."

"Sure" Carl said and started back to a pot from the gas stove. "Was gonna bring you guys some anyway. Corn and rice soup." 

"No!" Rick said way louder than he intended. He saw a loaf of bread on the counter that had only be partially cut into. "We'll just take the bread" and Rick picked it up from the top of the loaf with his bare hand and started walking slowly away." Not sure if he should address the big elephant in the room.

"Hey dad" Carl followed. "You love Daryl all this time?" Again, the kid comes up with some frank, to-the-point questions. "Yah, for quite a while actually." 

"He love you? I'm guessing yes the way he gushes over ya. Thought he was just taking care of your like... psyche and PTSD shit, but I don't know... maybe he just likes feeding you soup at the dinner table and practically sitting on top of ya while were out there."

Rick gave a heavy sigh. "This ok with you, son?" 

"Don't fucking matter to me." he replied. Rick glared at the curse. "Seriously dad, sometimes I say fuck now ok? I've shot my mother. I've killed more walkers than I can count. I don't even remember life before the dead were up an walking. Two dudes kissing and shit... well, it's just not that important or unusual anymore. So ya know... whatever. Get some." Carl continued "Frankly makes me feel like you aren't as emotionally wounded as we thought. You weren't sitting that close cause you were lossing it and he was grounding you. You just wanted to be close enough to get a feel." 

"Christ, Carl- How'd you learn to talk like this?" 

"Actually, Dad. Comic books."

Carl gave him a hug. "You are barely going into your shakes anymore. You need to get over this soup thing. We have it a lot around here."

"Thanks for the advice, son."

Rick went back into the room. He'd been squeezing the bread so tight it almost broke in two.

Daryl was out of the shower, Nude but using the towel to dry off his hair.

He looked up. "Bread? Well, that's something I guess." He pulled on some boxers and hopped on the bed. Rick sat indian style in front of him. Picked off chunks of bread and fed them to daryl, letting him lick the seasoning off each finger." Once in a while he'd take a bit for himself and then Daryl would grab Ricks hand and suck off the flavor. It was strangely erotic. They talked about Daryl's hunt. Rick's agonzing game of checkers. 

Still kinda craving soup, Daryl said "I swear, Rick Grimes, If we had some walkers come through you'd snap outa your shit and start crushing skulls with whatever you could get your hand on. Faced the governor like you was superman, and I can't get ya to bring me a goddamn bowl of soup." He laughed.

"Makes me shake and shit." Rick whined.

And right as they finished the bread there was a knock at the door. Four quick awkward knocks. Definitely not Hershal.

Daryl got up and cracked open the door.

"Hey." Glenn said. 

"Hey. Whatcha up to?" Daryl asked. 

Glenn sighed. "Maggie made me come down here to make sure that you know we are supportive of you guys and glad to see more love in the house." 

"Well, thanks. I guess. She didn't want to come down?" 

"She said you'd know she'd be thrilled but that I should make sure you know I"m like cool with it and to give you this." He handed out a tube.

Daryl looked at it completely perplexed. "Glenn, are you giving me a tube of lube?"

Glenn rolled his eyes. "It's a house warming present. I was supposed to say that.'' 

"Damn, she got you whipped." Daryl laughed. 

"Well, welcome to my world. I'm sure spooning soup into Rick's mouth wasn't on your top list of awsome things to do yesterday, but ya did it cause your in love and ya got too. I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass. Like delivering lube to someone who could potentially punch me in the face. But same time.... Be no reason to live with out her. So you do what you gotta do." Glenn paused. "Alright, bro. Have a nice night. And I'm all happy for ya and on board and all but I gotta thank you for not doing your kinky outside shit on my watch. Think Michonne enjoyed the show... so all worked out well. See ya in the morning."

Daryl never heard Glenn talk so damn much. But whatever.... lube! That's gonna make some things easier!

Rick's jaw dropped at the report back from Daryl about the little visit from Glen.

But they saved it for another day. Rick was exhausted from his day of worry. Daryl exhausted from the hunt. They curled up together and quickly fell asleep in eachother's arms.  
____________  
Next morning Daryl awoke to the smell of strong coffee. Maybe Michonne was out there getting an early start. He slipped out of Rick's death grip and pulled on some sweatpants. Stumbled out of the room to grab a few cups.

In the kitchen, he was surprised it was Hershal who was on Coffee duty.

"Hey there, son" Hershal said non-threatening. "Here for the coffee?"

"Smells good," Daryl said.

"Ya, take what you can get anymore really."

"Daryl poured two cups, clearly preparing to bring one to Rick.

"Daryl, let's sit down a minute." Hershal said.

Already Daryl wasn't liking this.

"So the elephant in the room... you and Rick have developed some kind of love affair."

"Yes. We have." Daryl said emboldened.

"Are you sure that's for the best?"

"What's that even mean, Hershal."

"He's still in post-traumatic stress. He's vulnerable. Being stuck to his side is going to encourage this co-dependency. Don't you want him to become his own man again?

"He's my man now. And I'm his. Just a little change in dynamic and I don't think our lovin eachother is going to cause any lasting damage. You aint a shrink your a goddamn vet."

"I know, Daryl, but I have experience with things. This relationship could become dangerous." He said in a low slow caution.

"This conversation could become dangerous" Daryl said with all intentions of implying the threat. 

"I just wanted to give you my two cents son. Ain't nothing to do with me bein against two guys. Too much else in the world to give a shit about that. Got nothing to do with the bible. Once the dead rose... I lost my way with that. I just want Rick to get back to himself. 

"He may never get back to himself, Hershal." We been through a lot out there. I've always been a loner, a dick and a tough son of a bitch. Rick's always had family, responsibily, control. He lost a lot of that, and whoever he becomes once he totally shakes off his nerves I will love him more than life itself and I'm sure you guys will too. I mean you're not gonna be fuckin him like I am... but you'll love him for just being the only Rick Grimes he knows how to be anymore." Daryl knows he went WAY too far with that last part... but he can't help it. He always was kind of a dick and everyone knew it. 

He took the two cups of coffee and headed back to the room. Looking back and with a little more sympathy and understanding he said "We'll try to keep the pda to a minimum if it's making people uncomfortable. 

He turned away and headed back to his lover. And felt like screaming it from the rooftops!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes- time to introduce some outside elements. Don't freak. This won't be typical. And will come in an incredibly unique way that causes a little drama in the house, but not the bad kinds you might be worrying about. Stay tuned and please let me know what you think about how things are going!


	14. Go Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not all is peaceful at the Grove. Remember ... We ARE in a zombie apocalypse.

Go Bag

Daryl did take some of Hershel's concerns into consideration. He'd even shared the whole conversation with Rick, finding himself In a weird new world were he couldn't keep anything from this man and had an intense compulsion to tell him about everything. Everything that happened during the day, every thought running through his head, every observation he made. Even in bed, Daryl was compelled to find time, even in the heat of passion, to murmur to Rick about everything he loved on each square inch of Rick's apocalypse-hardened body as he explored every part of it. The bones of his hip, the curves of his biceps , the nape of his neck. Daryl surprised himself, never having uttered words like 'the nape of your neck' in his entire life, much less noticing one and drowning in desire to press his lips against it.

By Daryl's calculation, he's probably talked more in the past two months than during his entire teen years.

In an effort to allow Hershal to see that this was love and not co-dependency, Daryl told Rick that there'd be no more thigh to thigh sitting at the kitchen table. They would sit like regular human beings. Look at how Glenn and Maggie did it... Next to each other, not on each other.

Rick admitted he was heart broken, but Daryl made a point at every meal to subtly show they were lovers. If Daryl took a bite of something before Rick had tried it, he'd reach out to Rick's leg "oh my god you have to try this" he'd say and and feed a bite to Rick, pushing the food in just far enough for Rick to lick it off his fingers.

Made Rick feel a little better anyway. 

They even started being rotated in for the four-hour watch shifts on the roof. Although after agreeing to it, Michonne had pulled Daryl aside and warned him. "The point is for ONE man to be up there on watch. Watching. Get it? Not two up there making google eyes at each other. Clear?" 

"God, Michonne we're not irresponsible teenagers."

"Wouldn't know it to look at ya's she replied with a smile."

At dinner the night that Daryl was to rotate in for the first time, the group's conversation got more serious.

"We weren't lying," Glenn said. "In the grand scheme, we don't get a lot of walkers. Only ones that sneak up on occasion are the stragglers or loners. But we have been hit by a few herds in our time here." Glenn paused. Glanced at Rick, "no offense but we didn't think you were ready to know that before." Rick did have a little resentment brewing in his belly, but could understand given the circumstances. He had not been himself. And frankly, probably would never be". 

Rick nodded in a deflated agreement. "I can handle it now."

Glenn continued. "We all have a go bag. You guys will need to put some together too. Food, water bottles- enough for a night or two, weapons in case shit goes south. We only have two guns and a hand full of clips. Their getting harder and harder to find. Gotta save that more for... You know- possibility of unwanted humans. But they'll be in my bag." Glenn paused again checking for nodding heads. "First aid kinda stuff. Sunscreen, hat in case it's an all day affair. You hear the groans far off on the wind while you are on watch- you leaned down the hatch and get Carl up. Entrance to the roof is through his room."

Maggie jumps in so Glenn can get a few bites of dinner in. "Man, (or woman,) on watch will already have their bag. Carl will toss his up and then hit each room to wake the rest of us. Everyone's gonna wanna go up with an empty bladder. Never know how long it could take. Then grab your bags and head to the roof." She paused to get nods from both men. "We get high- out of their eyeline. We stay completely silent. We let 'em move on their way. We know when we are out-numbered and we don't have the fire power."

"When was the last time you had some pass through?" Rick asked.

"Probably a couple months before you arrived." Hershal answered. Was after a hell of a storm. We think the sounds of the thunder echoing up around here got 'em worked up. We're extra cautious during storms."

That night Daryl sat on the roof, leaning against one of the chimneys. Could see just how good of a show Michonne had that night Rick took Daryl over by the pecan tree. Damn.

It was nice being outside like that. Peaceful. Still not too cold yet. Advantage of staying south. 

He hadn't been on a watch like this. Up high- good vantage point since the prison almost a year ago. Was a lot quieter here. Definitely good. Have plenty of time to react. 

He wondered how Rick would handle his four-hour run up here alone. Just the thought brought tears to the hunters eyes. 

Regardless of the progress, he was still incredibly protective of Rick. Fought Hershal for an hour trying to convince him that Rick wasn't ready to rotate in yet. Rick would have killed him if he knew. He doesn't want to be treated like a mental patient anymore. He's definitely a lot better than those first few weeks. 

Sometimes he'll still sort of check out in the middle of dinner conversations. Michone had talked about bagging a wolf up here in their first few weeks. Still felt safe using ammo for it and the silencer. 

Daryl knew Rick was flashing back...in the woods staring down the end of himself through that lone wolf's dark eyes. Daryl didn't give two shits about Hershel's "concerns" that evening. He pulled his chair over and rested his thigh against Rick. Hand rubbing soft calming circles along his lower back, scrambling to change the conversation to turkey's or squirrel or any damn thing else.

Up on the roof, he kept his ears on alert. Scanned the fields and tree lines. Nice and peaceful.

Glenn was on to relieve him at 4 a.m. He threw his bag up and climbed the ladder. "Anything interesting?" Glenn asked as he settled in.

"Naw, man. Nice and quiet. Most peaceful night I've had on a watch maybe ever. Prisons always had at least a few groaning at the gates. Rick and I out in the woods... Just so little sleep, nowhere to get a good vantage point and being in the trees, the leaves would make such a racket from the wind... You were just always on guard. Plus knowing ya didn't have a roof to camp out on . 'F they were coming - it was gonna be a fight. No two ways..." Daryl trailed off. When did he start talking so damn much? 

Glenn nodded. "Yah- 's funny- I look back. Try to remember life. I can't think back any further than the turn. Don't remember nothing from before. Delivering pizzas..." He laughed. I don't even remember the car I drove or the name of the restaurant. I clearly remember seeing my first walking corpse. Anything before that - and before Maggie. 'S just like it's gone."

Daryl nodded. He'd been plagued by childhood abuse his whole life, but anymore- not really haunted by it. Actually made him more capable and able to survive. He thought a sarcastic ' thanks' to his dad in his mind.

Heat lighting split across the sky down over the valley below them. Daryl noticed Glenn tense. 

"Think a storm could stir shit up?" Daryl asked

"Could just be heat lightnin'". Glenn said hesitantly optimistic. 

"Ain't that hot" Daryl said. "Want me to stay?"

"Nah, be alright. 'Sides- your first night up here. I'm sure Rick hasn't slept a wink yet waitin on ya.

"Christ yer probably right. Better go." Daryl dropped his bag back inside and throwing the crossbow over his shoulder started back down the ladder.

He'd been right. Rick was wide awake. "How'd it go?" He asked before Daryl even shut the door.

"I sat on a roof in the dark for four hours. Not much else to it."

Daryl crawled into bed and laid his head on Rick's lap, purring for some affection like a damn kitten. 

Rick brushed his hair back from his eyes, rubbed his shoulders. And they fell asleep that way. 

Behind Rick's eyes he dreamt. They were in the woods and it was raining they were filling their canteens and laughing. One of the Boy Scouts was hanging from a tree, feet still kicking. The RV was there. Why were they just circling the woods all this time if they had the RV? Carl popped out the top. "Get the wolf!" He yelled through the rain. Rick stiffened in his sleep. "What?" He asked. "Get on the wolf!" 

Suddenly he woke. Heard rain against the window pain and Carl was tugging at both of them. "Get to the roof". he whispered loudly. Go bags. It's a herd. They're close" and he left to fulfill the rest if his duties.

Daryl leapt up registered the sound of rain. Rick shook the nightmare from his foggy head. They moved wordlessly. Dressing, pissing, grabbing their bags, crossbow and knives and quietly heading up to the second floor. Daryl had a grip so tight on Rick he was sure it would bruise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of action to come. Rick, Daryl and Carl work together as they find something absolutely unbelievable.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for feedback and comments! I love hearing from all of you! Please share your thoughts anytime!


	15. Roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter building to a cliffhanger.

Daryl and Rick were the last two up. The roof's slope was only slight and three separate chimneys stood. Came in handy to lay low by them and to lean on to if the invasion became lengthy. 

They were all soaked to the bone within seconds. A few had brought blankets and tarps. 

Daryl knelt by Glenn. "Where!" He whispered.

Glenn pointed to the north. Daryl could immediately notice shuffling in the low bushes. Thunder pounded into a thousand different directions. The sun was slowly opening the sky but the bolt of lightning helped everyone to see the first wave breaking past the tree line. Rotted more and more each time they encountered some. They were wet, falling apart, but still moving and still starved for flesh. 

Daryl shot Rick a look to gage his state of mind. The Sheriff's eyes were hard and focused. And pleased , Daryl knew this Rick would be able to fight if needed and could handle the walking dead better than he could handle a bowl of soup. Rick was solid. No shakes. Purely focused.

As if reading Daryl's mind, which they did, Rick gave him a reassuring smile. Carl flanked his other side and the father and son had arms around each other for warmth. 

Everyone else had a ballcap to keep the rain out of their eyes. But Daryl and Rick hadn't paid enough attention to that order at dinner and both men wiped back their soaking locks to keep focus on the directions and numbers below them. 

Michonne whispered to Daryl from behind. "Rain and thunder actually helps - keeps them from noticing us."

Daryl nodded slowly. He reached for Rick's hand and held tight. And within minutes the herd was moving across the front lawn . Maybe 20. Thirty? And they were clearly still coming.

Maggie rested her head against Glenn. Michonne lay on her belly watching carefully through binoculars.  
About half an hour passed in silence. Just various gripped hands and wordless conversations through eye contact and facial expressions. 

That's when it happened. 

"Jesus Christ" Michonne muttered way louder than she intended. She slowly crawled back off her belly and slipped behind the group. In a husky whisper muted from the dead by distance and the down pour.

"Just walked out of the woods . Small one. Blue coat. She looked up. Saw us."

"What are you saying?" Hershal asked. 

"She ain't one of 'em" Rick answered for her. 

Michonne nodded.

"Covered in guts. Trying not to be noticed. Going with the flow. Smart fucking kid." Daryl whispered.

"Carl had grabbed the binoculars and watched as she looked up again. Her eyes a mixture of catatonia and desperation.

Glenn, Rick and Daryl leaned in close to each other to speak. "What do we do?" Glenn asked.

Rick turned beside him. Carl was a man now and should be part of the discussion. 

To Rick's horror, his son had a length of rope sling over his shoulder and had climbed onto the heavy branch of an old oak that gently touched the roof of their home. He was half way across to the trunk when the group noticed and registered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl, Rick and Carl attempt to save the girl without drawing the attention of the herd below.
> 
> Thoughts? Comments?


	16. The Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl, Rick and Daryl quite literally go out on a limb to save a young survivor from the herd during a thunderous downpour. But the lost little girl isn't the only thing they have to face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Action and plot are getting in the way of my smut. But I promise there will still be lots more Rickyl feels as the story continues. This chapter will end on high emotion.

Rick moved quickly to follow his son. He had no intent of stopping him, but of helping with whatever he had planned. The apocalypse had changed all sorts of relationship dynamics, not just what had blossomed between Rick and Daryl, but Rick's relationship with his son. It has moved from paternal to more that of an equal. He admired his son's bravery, his calm, his grace and his determination. 

They moved slow crawling along the thick branch. Walkers stumbling slowly below them by the dozens.

The girl in blue, was watching them intently. Maybe six? Seven? Rick guessed. Her hair was dark and matted from blood and the slick organs she somehow knew would disguise her. 

"What's the plan?" Rick whispered to Carl. 

"I think she's aware enough to know we are trying to help" he observed. "Thought about holding both ends of the rope, lowering the loose middle for her to walk into it, put her armpits under, y'know? We raise her slow." He repeated again for emphasis- "SLOW"

The girl in blue was only about 20 feet away. She was slowing her pace, giving them time.

Rick started tying the ends to a higher branch. Carl held all the extra loose rope. The walkers, the dead ones anyway- kept moving forward focusing on rumbles in the sky in the valley. 

Rick wrapped his legs around the branch and motioned for Carl to do the same.

Out of the corner of his eye Rick saw Daryl slinking out onto the branch. Walking on it slowly, steadying each step by holding a branch over his head as he moved, careful not to make too fast of a motion that would bring the dead to attention. As he leaned against the trunk with Carl and Rick both wrapping the lower branch with their legs he whispered "you're gonna need more muscle. She'll be dead weight. Girls too smart, she'll know she can't climb or help pull up."  
Carl and Rick nodded.

The girl in blue was 10 feet away. Carl and Rick slowly lowered the rope. It looked like an eerie jump rope as the lightening brightened around it. The sun was still rising but luckily was darkened by the heavy storm clouds.

As Maggie watched from the roof, the other shoe dropped. She gasped, hand flying over her mouth, she pointed. Hershal, Glenn and Michonne turned their attention towards the direction of Maggie's shaking hand. 

Carol and Tyrese. Both were several feet behind the girl, eyes glazed and souls clearly no longer of this earth. 

Their clothes were torn, a trail of intestine fell limp from Tyreses' midsection. One of Carol's arms were missing.

The hoop of the rope was low. No other walkers between the girl in blue and her salvation. She looked up. Carl and Rick held tight to their ends of the rope. Daryl signaled to her, trying to explain in a sort of apocalyptic sign language that she should slowly raise her arms and lower them tightly so the rope wrapped round her arm pits. Daryl thought she may have even slowly nodded. 

Arms slowly raising the girl pretended to be caught so the other walkers would just ignore and walk by. And that's when Daryl saw them. Carol and Tyrese just a dozen feet behind the girl, but already too far gone. Their stuttered movements, shattered bodies and blank stares told their story. They were indeed gone already. Tears caught in his throat.

Carl and Rick stayed completely focused on the girl. She'd done well. Lowered her arms over the rope and then tight against her. Didn't scramble or panic. Just allowed Carl and Rick to slowly bring her up. The movements had to be slow enough that the walkers wouldn't take notice of the movement.

Daryl was right, she was heavy and Rick looked to him for help. There was something in his eyes that, surprisingly, Rick couldn't read. But Daryl dropped slowly behind Carl and helped the boy pull up on his end. The three kept a slow pace. The girl didn't move a muscle. 

The storm continued to be great cover. Keeping the sky still dark grey, and booming with a distant thunder. 

Finally high enough, Rick reached for the girls shoulders, and from his awkward position wrapped around the branch, got his hands under her armpits and slowly lifted her to the branch, sitting her directly in front of him. Carl could see her eyes and put a finger to his lips "sshhhh"

Rick looked back up at Daryl and over at the roof expecting expressions of silent glee, but everyone was stone faced. He looked down and felt like the herd was almost gone. Just a few left. Had to be the tail end. Why was there no sense of relief? 

Rick searched Daryl's eyes for an answer and their dart towards the ground gave him the answer. Two of their own. It had been almost a year since the prison fell and everyone scattered. Why bring them back to us dead? Rick wondered to a god he no longer believed in.

Daryl slowly stood back up. What was once Tyrese and Carol continued with the other half dozen stragglers aimlessly headed toward the deep rolls of thunder. Quietly, he reached back for his crossbow, timed his shot between the flashes of lightening to match the thunder and put a bolt through Tyrese's head. He dropped without my fanfare. Daryl reloaded, could hear Maggie stiffling her sniffles from the roof and shot another to end Carol. 

As Carol dropped Maggie's voice finally broke through and a sob drew the attention of the final three walkers. With the rest well on their way, Glenn and Michonne immediately shimmied down the drain spouts on either side of the house. Michonne sliced one clean across the throat with force that sent the head spinning. Glenn pushed his long knife through the second walkers chin and pushed through the skull as he registered the sound of on of Daryl's bolts plugging into the last one.

The rain continued to beat down. Glenn and Michonne out of breath in the front yard. Hershal conforting Maggie on the roof. Rick, legs wrapped around the tree and arms wrapped around the girl. Carl, using his shirt to wipe the dirt and grime from her face as Rick whispered soothing words into her ears. Daryl stood, crossbow still in hand, looking at the bodies of Carol and Tyrese. 

"We'll need to dig graves tomorrow." He said quietly.

Looking down at the girl, Daryl said- "You are one smart damn kid". The kid didn't respond. Not to Daryl's compliment, Rick's reassurances or Carl carefully tending to wipe gore off the scrapes and cuts on her face.

"Carl wiped another swath of guts from her forehead and gasped. He looked up at Rick "It's Mika."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first real solid action sequence. Please let me know your thoughts! Would love to hear them!


	17. 'Lil one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding Mika changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my amazing Beta reader, Skarlatha. Your input and advice is always so wonderfully helpful!

The rain stopped by noon. Daryl and Maggie dug graves for Tyrese and Carol. Glenn gathered the other walker's bodies to burn. Michonne went back up to take a shift on watch. Keep an eye out for stragglers.

In the house, Rick and Carl stayed with Mika while Hershal tried to check her for injuries. She'd latched on to Rick and would not let go. Carl sat by their side doing everything Hershal told him to. He ran to find her something clean to wear- one of Michonne's t-shirts. She'd have to wear it like a dress. He brought her water and tried to get her to drink. Kept talking to her. Cut up an apple for her to eat.

There didn't seem to be any obvious wounds. The blood and guts she was covered in all seemed to be from the disguise, blending in with the dead. Carol must have taught her. Maybe even covered her in guts herself when she saw they were being overrun.

"Do you remember us, Mika?" Carl kept asking, but clearly she wasn't ready to talk.

"We need to get her washed up. Carl- run out and have Maggie come in, ok?" Hershal asked.

When Maggie arrived she tried to gently take the girl from from Rick, but the little one kicked and screamed and growled, not letting go of the clutch she had on his shirt.

Rick ended up having to stand in the shower fully clothed with Mika in his arms while Maggie undressed her and bathed her.

Wearing Michonne's shirt like a nightgown, she seamed so small in the giant bed. Rick, Hershal and Carl stayed with her in the room across from the one Daryl and Rick shared. Rick sat on the bed to read her a book. She climbed into his lap as he started it. Hershal and Carl just stayed there because they didn't know what else to do. Finally, Mika fell asleep and her grip on Rick loosened. He put her on the bed.

Carl looked after her until everyone else was done taking care of bodies and cleaning up.

Maggie and Glenn started putting together an early dinner since they'd missed lunch.

As Carl watched over Mika, she slept peacefully. Waking up on her own from the sounds of dinner- pots, and pans and voices. Carl asked her if she was hungry but she just crept out of the room to explore as Carl followed her.

"Are you hungry, little one?" Daryl asked as she walked into the kitchen. She looked at him with big eyes but didn't respond. Everyone sat down and Hershal told Mika she could sit in a chair he'd positioned between he and Rick. She walked around the table looking at everyone and walked to Rick, climbing into his lap instead of the empty chair.

Rick just shrugged his shoulders. Mika reached for a bowl of Spaghettios they made especially for her. They'd remembered from the prison it was her favorite. She shoveled a giant spoonful in and smiled.

"She eats better 'n you, Rick." Daryl grinned.

As everyone ate, they tried to keep the conversation vague and in the present. The food. The house. Carl told Mika about the toys that were in one of the upstairs bedrooms hoping to get her to talk.

Rick petted her head while she ate. Daryl gave him an elbow and a look instructing him not to forget to eat as well.

With an empty bowl in front of her and her eyes still wide, Mika asked, "Are you guys real?"

"Yah, baby. Were real. What else would we be?" Maggie asked sweetly.

"A dream. Or heaven."

"Ain't heaven," Daryl said, raising a hand to indicate he wouldn't be there if it was. Everyone laughed and although Mika didn't get it, she laughed softly too.

"Do you remember us, Mika?" Carl asked.

She nodded.

A look of embarrassment crossed Rick's face, and he noticed that Hershal was glancing at him as he blushed. Rick was a grown-ass man and it took him a week before he could even stand in a room with everyone, much less speak. This seven-year-old little girl had more courage than he did. 

"Kids are really resilient," he said to Rick. 

He knew Hershal must have read his mind and was grateful for the attempt the old man made to brush aside the comparison Rick was clearly pondering.

"How'd you know to disguise yourself like that little one?" Daryl asked. "That was really smart and brave."

Rick grinned at Daryl. He was so damn cute talking to kids. He'd kinda forgotten that. Remembers now thinking that at the prison.

"Carol did it when all the bad guys were comin' and told me it would make me invisible and not be scared. But then a bad guy got her before she could put the guts on herself." Mika's face turned into a thoughtful pout at the memory as she swirled her spoon around the empty bowl.

Rick, for the first time in years, thought of the old world. Being in an airplane. When they'd traveled with Carl and he was a baby, the flight attendants always told you to put your air mask on first, then help your kids. Carol must not have flown much.

"Well, I am impressed with you lil' girlie," the hunter said.

Rick grinned at the way Daryl talked to her. 'Lil' girlie'. So cute.

"Who else was with you?" Carl asked. Hershal kicked him under the table, clearly reminding him not to be too forceful with questions, but Rick could tell Carl really wanted to know. His son's eyes were on her waiting for an answer. Rick was surprised he was pushing her so hard about it. She was just a kid. A baby.

"Tyrese. He got killed too. But I stayed with them in my disguise." Mika leaned back into Rick as she continued, "Lizzie hadta get killed a while ago cause she didn't understand the bad guys."

Daryl nodded. He remembered Lizzie. Naming 'em and weird shit like that at the prison.

Rick was suddenly so sad. He started to rock Mika a little bit. "I'm so sorry to hear that." He said as he squeezed her.

"She get to close to one of 'em?" Glenn asked.

Daryl started to get a little nervous about where this could go. He looked at Rick rocking Mika like a baby. His eyes were a little dazed. Daryl shot Hershal a look, but before either man could change the subject Mika said quietly, "No. Carol had to kill her when Lizzie tried to kill me and then killed baby Judith."

Dammit! Daryl froze. They all did. It was only days ago that Daryl, Carl and Hershal had privately talked about it. Daryl was certain that Rick had completely blocked Judith out of his mind. Hershal had thought it was maybe from a subconscious need to protect himself. They'd talked about being prepared for the possibility for him to remember once he started getting more stable. But they never got far enough in the conversation to discuss exactly HOW to handle it.

Daryl had felt so conflicted, like he was keeping a secret from his lover. Carl and Hershal agreed that it might be best to let him bring the memories back himself. So Daryl agreed.

Daryl looked at Rick. He kept rocking Mika. His eyes were open but he was clearly not there. 

"Hey kiddo," Michonne said. "Let's go upstairs so I can show you all those toys we talked about." She reached for Mika's hand to pull her off Rick's lap.

"Do you have any walkers up there?" she asked, concerned. 

"Oh, no." Michonne said. "This place is off limits to walkers." Mika smiled at that and took her hand.

Rick's arms went slack in his lap as the girl slipped off him. Hershal gave Glenn and Maggie a sign to make themselves scarce. Carl, Daryl, Hershal and Rick sat at the table.

Daryl picked up his chair, moved it and sat thigh to thigh with his shell-shocked lover. Put a hand on his knee. "Rick."

The fallen leader continued with his blank stare like he was concentrating on some kind of puzzle behind his eyes.

Then Rick blinked. Focused on the three men at the table, back in the present.

"Oh my god. How could I have forgotten? I had a baby. I had a baby, Daryl." He started tearing up.

"Dad, I'm so sorry. We thought she was on the bus. Thought she'd be safe. I wanted to go back. I screamed and shouted at Michonne to go back but she said that no one would be left and it was too dangerous." Carl was in tears. 

"It's not your fault," Rick whispered.

" 's not yours either, Rick. You know that, right?" Daryl said, rubbing his back.

Carl was still sniffling, choking back tears. 

Rick hiccuped at a sob. "Everything was my fault. Every bad decision I made for us laid out the path where I am responsible for killing my own baby." His breath shuddered. "And then pretending she never existed."

"Rick- you know that's foolish talk," Hershal said sharply. "You KNOW better than that. We were attacked. It happened. And nothing was gonna change that. And as far as forgetting.... Well, no offense but you know how difficult a recovery you had. The brain is made to protect itself. You weren't ready yet."

Rick's son still wept quietly in his chair. "I knew it. I knew she had to be dead." Carl said as huge tears ran down his cheek. "When you didn't have her. I knew right away but I was just so glad to have YOU back." Carl walked around the table and hugged his dad. 

Rick held him tight and sobbed into his shoulder. "Carl, I'm so sorry I couldn't save her. I'm so sorry..." he repeated.

Daryl put a comforting hand on Carl's back. 

"Dad. Please don't stop talking again and stuff. We still have each other, right? Glenn always says we can't look back. We gotta always look forward," he said, trying to catch his breath from the sobs. 

Daryl realized that the poor kid's tears were two-fold- accepting the loss of his baby sister, and terrified at his broken father's reaction.

Carl looked to Daryl with worry.

Daryl nodded " 's gonna be ok." He told the kid. "Why don't you go up and see if Mika found all the stuff you wanted to show her." 

Carl gave his dad another hug. "Please don't think it's your fault. I love you, dad."

Rick leaned into Carl's hug but his eyes weren't focused and he left his hands slack at his side.

Carl turned and whispered pleadingly to Daryl. "Don't let him get messed up again." 

The hunter nodded. " 's gonna be ok." He repeated and Carl trudged to the stairs, taking Daryl's suggestion to check on Mika.

Hershal stood. "Take care of him, son," he said to Daryl.

"I always take care of him," Daryl responded a little indignant, still insulted at Hershel's earlier accusation of an unhealthy co-dependency. 

"You do." Hershal nodded. And left the two men at the table alone.

Daryl stood, pulled Rick to his feet, and wrapped him in a tight embrace. He finally hit the brick wall of not knowing what to say.

"You called her lil' asskicker," Rick said. And Daryl felt a tear escape himself. "Yah."

Sometimes, Daryl thought, the best thing to say is nothing. They stood in the kitchen locked in a hug until the sun went down.

"I don't want to be awake anymore." Rick said softly.

Daryl took him by the hand. "Let's go to bed." Rick followed. But that's not what he meant. He didn't ever want to be awake again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to add this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts and feedback! I get a lot of my inspiration on all my stories from reader comments. Thanks for reading!!


	18. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick withdraws again after finding out about Judith. Daryl struggles to find a way to get through to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Note**  
> As I've mentioned many times throughout this fic, the subject matter is dark. If the topic of suicide will be a trigger, please abandon this fic and try one of my others! "In This Life" is much lighter and so is "Just Another Day".
> 
> Major thanks to my beta reader, Skarlatha, who guided me out of writers block and helped me to work out an ending to this story.

The first night after the discovery of Judith's fate, Daryl was understanding. He'd cried too. They all loved that little girl. Rick sobbed til he fell asleep while Daryl ran fingers through his hair and whispered to him, begging him not to check out again.

The next day, Rick’s silence continued. He wouldn't eat or drink. He wouldn't hold eye contact with Daryl. The hunter had just been through this once and was slowly losing patience. They had been doing so damn good and now he was slipping away again.

The third day, Daryl and Carl both took turns trying to get Rick to eat or drink or talk. Nothing worked. Rick’s body was slack, growing weaker from dehydration, and his eyes either rested shut or stared aimlessly out the window. The hunter started threatening to leave him. He'd tell Rick if he wasn't going to talk he would go to eat with the rest of the group or go hunting again. But Rick didn't respond and Daryl didn’t leave. 

By late afternoon on the fourth day, Daryl was done. After an hour by his side with a water bottle trying to make deals with Rick to drink, he threw the bottle against the wall and the thud made Rick jump reflexively.

"GODDAMMIT, Rick!" Daryl yelled suddenly, rage and frustration finally taking over. "Don't be so fucking selfish! You have a KID. Alive. Here. Now. He needs you. I need you." Daryl paced, fists clenched by his side. "We lost her too, goddammit. She wasn't just yours, she was OURS. All of ours. We all miss her too, every fucking bit as much as you, but we know we need to get up every day and live. You're alive, Rick." The man’s aimless gaze stayed on the window.

Daryl stopped pacing. "Get up," he demanded quietly. When Rick still didn't react, Daryl snarled louder, "GET UP!" and he pushed at the fallen leader.

Rick got up. Walked into the bathroom and quietly shut the door, the lock clicking behind him.

Daryl flew out of the room and slammed the bedroom door behind him. "Stop being such a fucking PUSSY!" he screamed to the door.

Michonne and Maggie looked up at him from the kitchen table where they were playing cards.

He stomped into the kitchen, not knowing what to do next. He opened cupboards just to be able to slam them shut and then threw his exhausted body into one of the kitchen chairs.

Maggie put a card down. "Daryl, you've been doing all you can. A lot a’ this is gonna be on Rick," Maggie said in a gentle voice. "He might just need some time."

Daryl ran his hand through his hair. He thought about screaming at Maggie too. Time? He's had plenty of time. He's had four damn days of nothing but time. And time wasn't doing a fucking thing.

"I gotta get out of here," he said quietly.

"Go ahead. Take a walk before the sun goes down," Michonne offered as she scooped up the cards on the table. "We're here if he needs anything.”

Daryl kicked out of the chair so hard it fell to the floor. "Thanks," he muttered, and left out the sliding door.

……………..

Rick sunk to the bathroom floor. Daryl hadn't stopped with the words for days. Just constantly words. He could imagine the gist of it. Could guess what it was about. But he hadn't really been listening.

He wondered if it was possible for someone to just die from simply losing the desire to breathe. He'd failed his people. He failed his son. He failed his baby girl. And every death could circle back to decisions he'd made.

He couldn't trust his mind anymore. He'd forgotten about his baby. Was Carl even really here or was his mind protecting himself again by imagining it? He'd imagined Lori. It wasn't far- fetched to wonder. Was Daryl real? Was Rick even real? He couldn't trust himself. Couldn't trust his decisions. Couldn't trust his memories.

He was so tired. He knew he’d been in bed for what seemed like days, but still felt exhausted.

He felt like crying. Wanted to cry. Thought it would feel a little better to cry. He tried to. But nothing was left. He was empty, hollow. He felt worse than bad. He felt nothing. He wanted his bed. 

When he went back into the room, Daryl was gone. Had he heard the door slam? Did Daryl leave or was he ever really there to begin with? He'd imagined Lori so clearly. He'd forgotten Judith so completely. He couldn't trust anything he felt or saw and he thought of Daryl shivering from the fever in the woods. Did he ever wake up?

He couldn't stand being in his own head anymore. He thought about staring down that wolf and the sense of peace he felt. And then his thoughts were trapped in a loop like a skipping record. Daryl laying in the woods under that tree. Carl probably no more real than than Lori had been in those dark days at the prison. The wolf in the woods with that sense of peace and those three thoughts spun and raveled in his mind.

He listened. He didn't hear a single sound in the house. No creak of footsteps or movement. No voices. Nothing. He was alone. He had nothing. Not even his memories. Not even his mind.

He held his head in his hands. A solution swirled through his thoughts like water circling a drain and he got out of bed with a slow but steady determination.

He pulled the laces out of his sneakers, took Daryl’s knife from the dresser and went back to the bathroom. He climbed into the tub in nothing but boxers. He first tied his feet together with one of the shoestrings. On the off chance that any of these people were real, he didn't want to come back and hurt anyone. He tied his own wrists together as best as he could and reached for the hunting knife. He breathed.  
........

Daryl didn't have his crossbow. He'd left in such a fury of emotions, even leaving his damn knife lying on the dresser. He circled the woodpile where he’d watched Rick doing so well with Carl. It literally made his chest hurt to think of how his lover had disappeared again.

He looked at the woods. If he'd remembered to grab his bow, he could’ve gone hunting, he thought, but dismissed it quickly. He wouldn't have been able to leave for long. He was already wondering if he should just go back. He felt naked standing outside without his bow. And without Rick.

He walked around the house and sat at the base of the tree he and Rick had been together under. He was frustrated and angry, but knew he'd never give up trying to get him back. He just needed to get some fresh air. He took several deep breaths as he tried to think of new arguments to convince Rick to eat. Was there anything he hadn't tried? Should he talk to Hershal about maybe hitting the nearest hospital for a feeding tube or something? Force it into him? Was there a drug for depression they should be looking for? Daryl had to fix this. He had to.  
\-----

The hunting knife was awkward to hold in his bound hands, but Rick had twisted it around and pressed the tip to his left wrist. Blood came up to meet the blade as he pressed and he heard thudding. Probably the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. When he started to pull the blade down, it made the unexpected sound of a door opening. He looked up.

"Dad?" Carl's voice sounded far away.

"Dad!" The boy, or the imagination of him, was in the tub yanking the knife from Rick's weak hand and using it to cut the binding as words kept coming at him in his son's broken voice.

"Hershal! Hershal!" Carl screamed and he no longer sounded like the man he seemed to be when they were splitting wood. He sounded like a terrified child again.

Rick watched, detached, as his son's hand wrapped around his wrist, blood seeping through his young fingers. He'd been growing so woozy the past few days. The thick fuzziness of dehydration like when they were lost in the woods and the darkness in his peripheral vision came closing in on him. Hershal and Maggie came running in as Rick was starting to lose consciousness. As his eyes rolled up in his head and his eyelids fluttered closed, he wondered if any of these people were real. And the last thing he thought was that Daryl wasn't there.

When his eyes opened back up he was on the bed. He'd failed again. Couldn't even kill himself right. Hershal and Carl were before him but no Daryl. Hershal was looking at his wound and Carl sobbed loudly by his side.

"Are you guys real?" Rick asked softly in mimic of Mika.

"Dad," Carl sobbed. "Please don't do this. I'm still here. I still need you here."  
........

The hunter was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of Maggie shouting his name in the back yard. Leaping to his feet in blind panic he ran to the house, heading straight for the bedroom. He didn't even stop to ask Maggie what was wrong. When Daryl got back to their room, breathing heavy more from fear than from the short sprint from the front yard, Hershal had Rick sitting on the bed as he was bandaging a bloody wrist. 

The hunter looked from Rick's face to Hershal's to Carl's, putting the pieces together.

"It's superficial, Daryl. Not deep. It's ok," Hershal said, trying to keep everyone calm.

"It's not ok," he responded quietly, feeling completely helpless. He was still looking around the room trying to process this.

Hershal went to the bathroom to wash up after taping off the bandage. Carl stood sniffling with the bloody knife still in his hands. Daryl's knife.

The hunter could feel bile rising into his throat. He was sick. Disgusted. Disappointed. "How could you?" he seethed. He grabbed the knife and turned to Rick. "With my fucking knife?" he hissed louder as he threw it to the floor. And before he could stop himself, Daryl swung a fist and felt it connect to Rick's weak jaw. He climbed onto the bed and grabbed Rick's face forcing eye contact.

“Carl, hand me that bottle of water.” Daryl instructed. And to Rick with gritted teeth he said "I'm either gonna get ya to drink this or I'm gonna drown ya tryin’” Daryl said. And he turned back to Carl with Maggie still in the doorway and Hershal coming back out of the bathroom. “Get out! Just everyone get the fuck out!”

As the door closed, Daryl looked down at Rick and put a hand around his throat. “You wanna die?” he asked, teeth still clenched. “Is that what you want?” He tightened his grip on Rick’s throat til he started fighting it on instinct, kicking and flailing his arms at Daryl. The hunter loosened his grip after the struggle.

“I didn’t think so. Now fucking drink,” and he held Rick’s nose, pushing his head back. When Rick opened his mouth to gasp for air, Daryl put the bottle up to his mouth and poured. Rick coughed and sputtered. Water flowed out both sides of his mouth until he sat up and shook away. Both men were out of breath, staring at each other. “Open,” Daryl said with authority. Rick opened and Daryl held the bottle to his mouth like a baby. “Drink,” the hunter said quietly. Rick started drinking, suckling on the bottle like an obedient calf as Daryl held it up for him.   
......

When Rick woke the room was quiet. The sting of the cut on his left wrist made him remember where he was and what he’d done. He heard the soft sound of a page turning beside him. He turned to the noise and saw that Daryl was sitting on the bed next to him reading a book. The hunter looked down and caught his eye.

“You fucked up. You’re killing your son,” Daryl said calmly and looked back at his book.

Rick opened his mouth. “I... I didn't think he was real.”

“Well, if he wasn't real you'd be dead right now. 'Cause your fucking SON is the one that found you.”

“Lori wasn’t real. Back at the prison,” Rick said, trying to defend himself, “And Judith…” He gasped for a breath after her name fell from his tongue. “Judith was real and I made her disappear.”

Daryl put the book down. Looked at Rick and pinched his arm, twisting it.

"Oww!" Rick said, surprised, and grabbed his arm back.

"That hurt?"

"Yes!"

"Good. Then you know I'm real." Daryl said and opened his book back up. 

"I... My head. My head's messed up."

"You think you got problems?" Daryl said unsympathetically, "I'm in love with someone who'd rather be DEAD than love me back."

"I love you back," Rick whispered. "I just... I started to think I’d imagined you."

Daryl grabbed the bottle of water from his nightstand. He pushed it towards Rick. “Easy way or the hard way?” he asked.

Rick took it and drank.

Daryl watched him. “You’re eating dinner tonight. You don’t have to go out in the kitchen but you will fucking eat if I have to cram it down your throat. Then, once you aren’t so fucking dehydrated and half-starved and you make fucking sense again- you are going to go explain yourself to your son.” The hunter looked back down at his book. “Hershal’s bringing dinner soon.”

Rick made a soft sound of protest but before he could turn his voice into words, Daryl looked at him sharply and in a low voice said, “These aren’t suggestions. This is what is going to happen.”

“I’m sorry,” Rick whispered. “I just… I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Straight enough to bind yourself so you didn’t come back an' hurt anyone.”

“I just…”

Daryl folded the book closed again. “I don’t want to know why you wanted to die. I want to know why you are going to live. Tell me.”

“You... You and Carl are real. I realize that.” Rick paused. “What am I gonna say to him?”

“That's your problem, Rick. You scared the fucking shit out of your lil’ kid, man. I don’t care how much he’s grown or how grown-up he sounds. He’s a fucking kid." He looked down at his book then looked back up. "And how would you feel if Carl did that to YOU. Or if I did?”

Rick knew there was nothing he could say. He sat in a daze as Daryl turned pages beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait in posting here. All my focus is now on completing this fic in the next week or two. Thanks so much to any of you who stuck with it. Would love to hear thoughts and feedback as I finish up the last few chapters.


	19. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Daryl's instruction, Rick faces Carl to make amends after his suicide attempt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to Skarlatha for beta reading and helping me with direction. Three more chapters!

Rick chewed slowly. It was some kinda jerky, probably from one of Daryl's kills the other week. He was sitting Indian-style on the bed with Daryl across from him like a mirror, lifting a bite at the same time and chewing.

"Do I wanna know what this is?" Rick asked.

Daryl tried not to smile. "'S food. Eat it."

Rick was always so damn picky. Never a good eater even at the prison. Even at the quarry when they had more food than people, a fresh kill and no way to keep the meat fresh. Either eat it or leave it for scavengers, and Rick would still eat like a bird. He ate like a spoiled child and the apocalypse couldn't even change that. A nervous breakdown certainly didn't help either.

"It takes too long to chew," Rick whined.

"You in that much of a hurry to get up there and talk to Carl? 'Cause that's the only other thing on your busy calendar t'night."

Rick took another bite with an exaggerated grimace as he chewed. After he swallowed, Daryl handed him the water. Rick took it obediently and drank.

"My pa beat me nearly every single day when I was young," Daryl said with an intense gaze and a steady voice. "Merle came and went knowin' I'd be taking a double share of it 'f he weren't there. Ma never stopped it 'for she died. Then she went and died. And the worst thing that's ever happened to me... The worst thing anyone's done to me is you saying you'd rather be dead than by my side." Daryl kept his eyes on Rick and took another bite.

Rick's eyes fell to his plate like he was studying it. He looked ashamed and as well he should, Daryl thought.

Rick looked back up and locked onto Daryl's stormy blue eyes. "I swear to you I'll never get that way again," he said quietly and with conviction.

Daryl reached out and put a hand on the side of his lover's face. "Don't make me regret believing you," and motioned for Rick to take another bite with him.

Rick looked like hell. Bandage around his wrist, bruise forming under the stubble on his chin, Daryl's fingerprints around his throat and sunken eyes with dark circles. But he was breathing, talking, eating and he was Daryl's.

After Rick finished his last bite he met the hunter's eyes again. "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I love you," he whispered.

"Good. I'm gonna spend the rest of mine letting you," Daryl responded, trying for cool but aware it might have come out thick with desire.

Rick leaned forward and pressed his lips to his lover's. For a moment Daryl let it happen because his warm lips, salty from the jerky, felt so good, so comforting. And dammit, Daryl needed to be comforted sometimes too. But he gently pressed his hand to his lover's chest and pushed him back. "Carl first," he said quietly.

Rick nodded. "Yah." He stood and stared at the door for a few silent moments. When he walked to it, Daryl climbed off the bed and went with him. At the doorway, the hunter leaned in and allowed himself another soft kiss. "Make sure you convince him too that it won't happen again. He'll be scared a' that. And make sure he knows you love him." Rick nodded and headed slowly up the stairs.  
.......

Daryl went out to the living room, wanting to be anywhere rather than the room he'd been locked up in for four straight days. Glenn was sitting on the floor having a tea party with Mika while Maggie did dishes over in the kitchen.

"Hey," Glenn said when Daryl sat down in one of the oversized recliners.

"Hey," Daryl said.

"How's he doin'?" Glenn asked.

"Better I think."

"How you doin'?"

Daryl smiled, touched that the young man thought to ask. "Thanks for askin', Glenn. I'll be ok."

Mika came up to him with a pink teacup on a saucer. "Daryl, I think a cup of tea might help," she said, handing it to him.

"You know, sweetheart, this might just do the trick." Daryl grinned at Glenn who had his own pink teacup and raised his beverage. Glenn raised his. "To healing." Glenn said. And Daryl nodded, pretending to drink his tea.

"It's to die for. What's your secret?" he said to Mika animatedly.

"It's pretend," she whispered.

Daryl raised his eyebrows and nodded at Glenn. "Ah, sounds like an old family recipe. I won't tell," he whispered.

Mika smiled brightly at the hunter and picked up a pink plate that, according to her, held a jelly donut. As she watched Daryl pretend to eat it, she leaned her chin on her hands with her elbows on the recliner. "Is Carl's daddy gonna be ok?"

"Yah, baby. He'll be fine," Daryl said and rubbed her head.

Maggie started picking up teacups. "Let's read some books before bed, Mika," she said. "We have a big day of gathering pecans ahead of us tomorrow."

She looked at Glenn with purpose and petted Daryl's shoulder as she left.

"What's that look for?" Daryl asked, nodding his head back at Maggie.

Glenn got up off the floor and sat on the sofa leaning forward. "Mika got to talking today. 'Bout where they were and what all happened." He looked over Daryl's shoulder towards the stairs, making sure they had privacy. "Michonne and I ran a lot of runs 'fore you guys showed up. Been to all the nearby towns and neighborhoods. I know where she was talking about. Was an old bed and breakfast. 'Bout 20 miles from here. Said they buried both the girls under the big tree out back. Marked the graves."

Daryl listened and nodded.

"Thought maybe... I dunno, like closure or something? For Rick. Y'think it would help?

"'S a' long walk." Daryl said, not completely dismissing the idea.

"We been using a station wagon in the shed. You could hit the place for supplies while you're there." Glenn leaned back. "Only if you think it would help."

Daryl nodded again. "Let me feel him out. 'S a good idea. Thanks, Glenn."

Daryl's heart warmed. Took the apocalypse, but he had something he'd never had in the old world. He was among family and surrounded by love. He had people he cared about and people who cared about him. And dead walking or not, it was nice to have this.  
.......

Rick silently reached Carl's room and peered in around the half-closed door. The boy was sitting up in his bed, an open comic book forgotten on his lap. His head leaned back against the wall as he stared into space.

Pushing the door open with a knock, Rick said quietly, "Hey, son. Can I come in?"

Carl jumped at the sudden noise. His face brightened into a relieved smile. "Dad! Yah!" and he moved to the end of the bed to make room.

Rick immediately felt like crap. He'd almost expected the same kind of anger from his son that he'd gotten from Daryl. And the forgiving look in Carl's eyes made him feel worthless. He'd rather be punched and strangled. But instead he met Carl's hopeful eyes. Hoping for what, Rick did not know. He'd failed the kid ten times over. Been failing him for years, ever since the dead got up. He sat down on the bed, looked at his son, and couldn't think of a word to say.

"Daryl was pissed," Carl said and he nodded at the hand shaped bruises that were no doubt coming to life on the former leader's neck.

"Yah. Had a right to be. So do you," Rick said.

"Just glad you're still here. Hershal said that you are rock bottom and that means you needed it to get better."

"Is that what he said?" Rick asked smiling weakly. He could tell Carl wasn't familiar with the phrase "rock bottom". And suddenly it dawned on him that the boy would never have more than a fifth grade education. Did he know what berries are poisonous? Did he know how to tell time by the sun? Did he know how to start a fire? Did he read anything besides comic books? Suddenly Rick felt a filling, overflowing sense of purpose. He had a lot to teach his boy.

"Yah. So are you?" Carl asked. "Y'know, Better?"

Rick nodded. "I'm gonna be fine, Carl. 'Cept I'll always feel bad for putting you through this. Makin' ya feel like you weren't important enough to stay for. Puttin' ya through the scare a' findin' me." Rick took a deep breath. "I love you so much. I wasn't thinking straight and the only reason I... did what I did... was because I somehow convinced myself that you were a figment of my imagination. To protect myself like seein' your mom at the prison and makin' Judith disappear in my head. I did it 'cause I couldn't bear to live without you. I know that sounds crazy..."

"It does, Dad, but you ARE a little crazy. So I guess it makes sense."

Both were silent for a moment and Rick remembered Daryl's advice. "Just so you know, it won't ever happen again. Daryl would know if I started losing my mind again and he'd beat the living shit outa' me. So I kind of... Y'know. Can't."

"Good. I'm kinda glad he hit ya, if that's what it takes." Carl admitted. "Sorry to feel that way."

Rick smiled and nodded.

"I'm sorry about Judith," Rick said quietly.

"Me too." Carl said.

Rick stood and ran his hand through his hair. "I'll let ya get back to your comic book."

"Dad," Carl said with the thoughtful look of a philosophy professor, "We still have family. Michonne, Maggie, Glenn, Hershal, Daryl, Mika. And we have each other. Got a house, a garden. A checker board. This life isn't so bad."

Rick smiled wide and sincerely, so proud of his boy. So glad he was adjusting. "'Ya got a chess board, too?"

"Yah, but I don't know how to play," Carl answered.

"I'll teach ya. Tomorrow?"

"Yah!" Carl said, a genuine smile splitting his face.

At the door Rick turned back as his son was crawling into bed for sleep. "I love you, Carl."

"Love you too, Dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this fic! I have three more chapters mapped out and hope to post them within the next couple weeks. Next up is a much needed smut chapter. Comments and feedback are always welcomed!


	20. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys had a long day. Here's the smut and fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks goes to my beta reader, Skarlatha. Her edits, feedback and guidance have made writing these fan fics so much fun!

Daryl heard footsteps on the stairs and expected to see Rick open the door of their bedroom. Instead he heard the sound of the front door unlock, open and click shut. The hunter got out of bed, pulled on a pair of jeans and followed.

Rick was sitting on the top step of the porch leaning back on his arms and gazing up at the sky. He looked over his shoulder as Daryl slipped out the door to join him.

Surely he wasn't being seductive on purpose. Rick was usually awkward and clumsy, which was one of the things that made Daryl love him so much. But something about the way he looked back over his shoulder, his lean body stretched out, it made the hairs on the back of Daryl's neck stand up and salute. 

"Whatcha doin?" Daryl asked.

"Wanted some air. Been cooped up," he answered, looking back up at the stars.

"Go ok up there with Carl?" 

"Yah, actually." Rick nodded, gaze still on the sky. 

"Did ya want to be alone for a while?"

Rick looked back over his shoulder. "No. Knew you'd hear the door and come out. They're all asleep upstairs, by the way..." He smiled, eyes shining. Maybe he did know he was being flirtatious, batting his eyelashes and pointing out that they had privacy. Daryl loved this Rick. He loved every Rick but this obvious attempt to be subtly alluring was just adorable. And not very subtle at all.

Daryl walked slowly over and sat down behind him, straddling his lover and wrapping strong arms around his too-flat belly. Rick leaned back into Daryl's bare chest and sighed.

"He mad?" Daryl asked, pressing his lips to Rick's neck.

"No. Strangely understanding. Gonna teach him ta play chess tomorrow."

"You know how to play chess?" Daryl laughs.

"Yah," Rick answered feigning offense. "It's a strategic game. Takes a lot of thought."

"I'm not making fun, I think it's sexy," Daryl said quietly, kissing Rick's ear and then nibbling at the lobe.

"You think chess is sexy?" Rick says, rolling his eyes.

"I think you playing chess is sexy," Daryl murmurs. "But what do I know. I got hard watchin' you make the bed last week. Fuckin' apocalypse and you still care about makin' the damn bed. 'S cute."

Rick turned his head back to meet Daryl's eyes. "You just call me cute?" he asked, with a genuine smile so deep that it brought out the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. 

Daryl melted. He loved those wrinkles. He missed those wrinkles and the life that sparkled in his lover's eyes when he was really, truly happy. It was a rarity, but the moments he got it felt like Christmas morning.

Daryl put a hand on Rick's cheek and kissed him softly. He pulled back and looked deep into Rick's eyes. He saw his lover completely in their shared stare. Saw his needs and his fears and his strength. His heart. And he wanted it all. Wanted everything Rick had and everything he was.

"Want you so bad right now," he whispered and Rick's lips went to Daryl's like a magnet, his mouth open and inviting. Soft sighs as he met Daryl's tongue.

Daryl pulled the T-shirt over Rick's head. The three seconds their lips were apart were unbearably long and when they locked back together it became more aggressive, more passionate. Rick was still only partially turned into Daryl and the hunter used a strong arm around his lover's midsection to lift Rick's ass off the porch.

"Pants," he said between kisses, his voice having dropped an octave and Rick obeyed, wriggling out of his sweats and boxers. He kicked them off with his legs as he stayed turned into Daryl's deep kisses, their lips moving together like well-practiced, synchronized dancers. 

The hunter looked down and the sight of Rick naked on the porch between his thighs was intoxicating.

As Daryl caressed Rick's hip bone, lips tangled again and breaths heavy, he pulled a leg out and moved around so he could press his lover back to lie on the porch. Daryl knelt, between his legs, hands on the button of his jeans and just drank Rick in. Naked and lanky, legs slightly bowed, chest heaving with excited breath. His eyes glowing deep, dark blue. His arms reached out for Daryl and he rested his hands loosely on the hunter's hips. "I need you in me. Need to feel you, Daryl," he said in a voice thick with desire, drunk now with lust.

Daryl unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, peeling them off without losing the eye contact. Rick's eyes were probing, forceful, more confident than the rest of him. Daryl grabbed Rick's hand and brought it to his lips kissing the knuckles and then taking two fingers into his mouth and sucking. He swirled his tongue and when he let Rick's hand go, he whispered, "Get yourself ready."

And Rick closed his eyes and trailed his hand down his chest, over his hard cock and around to his entrance. The hunter pressed a hand to Rick's chest to get his attention. "Eyes open," he said, and Rick obeyed.

Daryl bounced his gaze from Rick's half-lidded baby blues to the fingers breaching his opening. Rick slid his finger in and out of himself, sharply inhaling as he added a second. He watched Daryl above him as the hunter's hand dropped to his own cock.

"Fuck me," Rick whined as he pulled his fingers out and reached for Daryl's hips again. "Please, Daryl."

Daryl spit in his palm, stroked his own cock a few times and lined up. He pressed into Rick slowly, as a groan escaped his lover's plump, kiss-swollen lips. Rick arched his back as the tip of Daryl entered him. Writhing beneath him, Rick panted, "God, more," as he tried to bear down on Daryl.

The hunter slowly filled him, Rick's breaths becoming shorter and faster.

Once in, the hunter leaned down and devoured his lover's mouth, teeth and tongues frantic and wanting. He pumped in and out slowly at first then quickened his movements as he read his lover's signs- his breaths, his groans, the arch of his back, body rising and falling with each pump.

Rick reached for his cock and Daryl glazed over as he watched.

Rick's body ached desperately each time Daryl pulled back and each time he pushed in to fill him again, the sensation of the hunter's dick throbbing deep inside him made him feel whole and filled and owned.

And he wanted Daryl to own him, take possession of him. This is the man who killed a wolf with his bare hands to protect him, Rick thought. The man who kept Rick in his arms for days, patient through a selfish, delusional depression. This man has killed for him, has fed him, would die for him. This man was his and the sense of "mine" spun webs in his brain and rooted deep into him like a full-grown sunflower. 

He wanted to own and be owned by this man. To have and be had. Heat passed between their eyes as their bodies rocked rhythmically against each other. And they looked deep into one another and saw every moment they've shared, good and bad, all at once.

Rick's body screamed that his orgasm was on its way, a speeding train without breaks. His core warmed, tingling bolts of electricity shot out through his arms and legs into his chest and swirled at the base of his cock, gathering strength like a storm.

"Come," Daryl said and as soon as the word dripped off his lips they were both coming together, cocks pulsing simultaneously, one deep inside Rick and one between them.

Out of breath and dizzy, Daryl slowly pulled out. He sat Indian-style by Rick's side and looked down at him. He took his lover's hand, cum clinging to his fingers and sucked on one at a time, tasting Rick and savoring him until he was clean.

As their breaths slowed and steadied, eyes still locked together while they were coming down, Rick whispered, "I love you, Daryl Dixon."

And Daryl replied even softer as he ran fingers through his lover's thick curls, "I love you, too, Rick Grimes."

"It's been a long day," Rick said softly. "Let's go to bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left! The next is already written and going through the Beta stage and the big finale is all planned out. Hope everyone's been enjoying this!


	21. Respects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl convinces Rick to go on a run and to visit his daughter's grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta reader, Skarlatha. Only one more chapter to go!

Daryl was in the shed with the hood of the dusty station wagon propped open. Glenn looked over his shoulder.

"When d'ya run it last?" Daryl asked, trying to hide some of his frustration.

Glenn shrugged. "Last run we needed was probably two or three months ago. We'd had a good haul and with the garden comin' in so strong, we just haven't needed to take the risk. Plus, y'know we've been wrapped up getting you guys settled the past six weeks or so, then Mika."

"Shouldn't let 'em sit so long. Even if ya just run it up and down the road here a couple times a week," Daryl muttered as he checked the oil.

Glenn nodded. "Want me to try to start it?"

"Nah, later. Don't want Rick to hear it and panic. Gonna try to talk to him later today about making that run." Daryl quietly closed the hood and dusted his hands off on his pants.

"So- sounds like you guys are...good," Glenn said awkwardly.

"Course," Daryl said, then noticed Glenn's raised eyebrow and quirky smile. "What?"

"Dude- We don't have a lot of interesting things to talk about around here, so when you're like fucking on the front porch right below where Michonne sits for watch, everything she hears THEN, we're ALL gonna hear about later."

Daryl blushed and opened his mouth to respond but decided silence was as good a response as any.

"Maggie and I have done it in the station wagon dozens a' times if you're looking for a place you can make a little more noise," Glenn offered, nodding his head at the Ford's roomy back seat.

Daryl grinned and shook his head, trying to remember how much noise they made last night. "Back seat of a car. Is that the kind of desperate times we're in now?"

"Hey, at least you aren't in a bedroom next to your father-in-law."

Well, shit, Daryl thought. He had a point. Could be worse.

When they closed up the shed, Daryl smiled at the sight of Rick and Carl spread out in a spot on the grass with a chess board between them. They'd been at it all morning. Carl was laying on his stomach with his chin in his hands. Rick was sitting Indian-style focused on the board.

Daryl wandered over and laid down next to Carl, copying him and looking at Rick with his chin on his hands.

"What are you doin'?" Rick asked, attempting to keep a smile off his face.

"Watchin' ya play chess."

"Go away. I can't concentrate with you lookin' at me like that." And he threw a pawn over at Daryl.

"I wanna learn too," Daryl said.

"I'll teach you later."

"Pfft, Don't want you to teach me. I'm still having flashbacks over learning to play bridge in the prison."

"You weren't even trying," Rick said, laughing.

"I was! It was complicated. Too many numbers and rules an' shit." Daryl leaned over and bumped into Carl. "You pay close attention, ok? Then YOU can teach me."

Carl beamed. "Ok! Think I'm starting to get the hang of it. Haven't won one yet, though."

Daryl stood up and ruffled Carl's long hair. "You will."

"Actually," Carl said slowly as his wheels were spinning, "how about I teach you how ta play chess and you teach me how ta hunt?"

Daryl shifted his eyes to Rick for approval and got a proud smile and a nod.

"Sounds fair, kid," Daryl answered and went back to the picnic table where he'd been working on arrows for his bow. He liked the idea of having a protege. He'd often thought of Carl and Judith as his own children back at the prison. And now, with he and Rick being an actual thing, it seemed even more fitting to think of the boy as a son.

As the afternoon waned, the chess game continued. Maggie was teaching Mika how to crack open pecans at the picnic table. Daryl was finishing up his last arrow and as he was fletching it, his mind was working out the steps it would take to teach Carl. Should probably start with setting snares, which he really should have done by now. Then tracking. He wondered how comfortably the crossbow would fit in the boy's hands. Daryl was eleven the first time he shot one, but Carl just seemed so small still.

He watched as Rick grinned and moved a piece on the board, Carl's head falling to his hands as Rick tried to encourage him and point at the board to explain some of the moves he'd made.

Daryl got up to stretch and walked purposefully to the two still-fresh dirt piles along the back of the property. They'd placed two rocks as headstones. He sat with his arms wrapped around his knees, his back to the house. He hadn't properly paid his respects yet, but he'd also hoped that Rick would join him. Knew he would actually. 

He brushed a few fallen leaves off Carol's grave. Fall was on them and even if Rick didn't think the trip to Judith's grave was worthwhile, they really needed to get as many supplies as they could before winter came. He hadn't asked Hershal or Maggie about the medical supplies, but he and Rick and Mika probably put an unexpected dent in things.

He felt Rick behind him before he even heard the soft footsteps. Something in his body sung when Rick was near like a divining rod to water. 

"You tryin' to sneak up on me?" Daryl asked without turning, "cause yer still loud 's shit."

"Bullshit!" Rick said. "I didn't even hear me!"

"Well ok, you've gone from bull in a china shop to mildly misbehaved poodle in a china shop. Either way the china don't have a chance." 

Rick laughed and sat beside him, hugging his knees like his lover was. They let silence hang in the air for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts.

"Gonna start getting cold." Daryl said.

"Yah."

"Was talking to Glenn earlier. They got a vehicle in the shed. If I can get it going, I was thinkin' maybe we could make a run together. Stock up on supplies for the winter."

Rick looked at him and nodded. "Yah, ok." 

They listened to the sound of the wind, eyes on the grave sites before them, each reliving a shared past that contained the same faces and places. Neither thought back any further than the day they'd met at the onset of the apocalypse. Those lives were foreign now and even Daryl's thoughts of his brother were all post-apocalyptic.

"You miss Merle?" Rick asked as if he'd been reading Daryl's mind.

Daryl nodded. "Every day."

"He was a good guy," Rick said.

"No he wasn't," Daryl said softly with an unconvincing smile.

"In the end. He meant well. Looked out for you to the very end."

Daryl nodded again picking at a rock stuck in the tread of his boot and held back tears. 

"Miss Carol, too," Daryl said. "We were close."

Rick nodded. "Yah, you were." He scooted close to Daryl so their shoulders and hips were touching. "She and Tyrese, they took care of Judith. She wasn't even theirs. Wasn't their responsibility and on the run a baby is nothing but a liability. But they kept her safe and alive. S' long as they could." He reached down and put a spread hand on top of Carol's grave. After a quiet moment he softly said, "Thank you," and pulled his hand back.

A breeze made the trees whisper around them and a leaf pirouetted to a spot on Tyrese's mound of dirt. Rick reached out at grabbed it. Crunching it between his fingers.

Daryl took a deep breath and put a hand on Rick's knee. "Y'know, Mika told us where Judith was buried. Glenn's familiar with the place and showed me on a map. I can get us there. Grave's marked. Thought maybe we could make a stop. Pay our respects."

"Oh," Rick said, clearly surprised.

"You think that would help?"

Rick shrugged. "I dunno. We can go, though."

"Good," Daryl said, rubbing Rick's knee.

"Think we should ask Carl if he wants to come too," Rick said.

"That sounds good," Daryl said and put an arm around him, pulling him close and kissing his temple.

That night at dinner, the family talked about what they'd like to get before winter. Maggie made the list while everyone added items of varying importance. Rick wanted to keep an eye out for abandoned book bags looking for textbooks for Carl. Carl didn't like that.

Hershal asked for all kinds of medical supplies, specifying some items with the caveat that they should really bring back anything they could carry. Glenn reminded them to dig in the usual places for ammo and weapons. Michonne wanted yarn and knitting needles. Said she was bored. Daryl had gotten hooked on Douglas Preston novels, but anything that wasn't the only three books in the house would do.

Other items on the list included toothpaste, vegetable seeds, blankets, clothes (with a list of everyone's approximate sizes), lighters or matches, and 112 ounces of chocolate pudding. Carl insisted that it that it tasted best in bulk like Lori used to buy and he'd had a craving for it.

After dinner Daryl and Glenn successfully got the car started with surprisingly little trouble and the Grimes family, as Michonne had jokingly called Rick, Daryl and Carl, planned to leave at sunrise. Daryl quite liked the sound of the Grimes family. It felt like love and it sounded like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that's left is the big finale! I have lots of good things in store to wrap this fic up. If you have a second, drop me a comment and let me know what you've thought of this fic so far!


	22. Complete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick, Daryl and Carl pay their respects to Judith. Lots of revelations are made during their journey.
> 
> This is it- The big finale! Hope everyone enjoyed the fic!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This final chapter is dedicated to my beta reader Skarlatha, who has encouraged, edited, suggested, brainstormed, recommended and praised each chapter as they went to her for review.
> 
> If you like my stuff, you will LOVE hers! Check out her latest fic- Kneeling Before the King. It's Rickyl perfection!

Daryl sat in the back seat sulking with his arms crossed. He hadn't been in the damn back seat since he was ten years old. Damn window was stuck. Couldn't even get air. He’d been looking forward to getting behind the wheel all night long. Looking forward to feeling the vibrations of the motor buzzing through his fingers as he rested them on the wheel.

He knew it was just a damn station wagon. Not a Harley. But still, it was a motor and wheels and speed and he'd have the wind through his hair right now if he was driving instead of suffocating in the back seat next to a broken window.

"Hands at two and ten," Rick said from the passenger side.

"Yah, I got it," Carl said defensively from behind the wheel.

Daryl understood, but he didn't have to like it. He knew this was some good father-son bonding and it was important to teach the kid to drive. But dammit, he hadn't been behind a wheel in almost a year!

"And you always gotta be scanning your eyes. Be aware of your surroundings. May not have other traffic to deal with but still got deer and walkers," Rick lectured.

Daryl’s frustrations of being down-graded to coach eased slightly. He liked seeing Rick confident. Liked hearing his voice strong when he’d give direction to Carl. It was nice to sit back and just watch them. He still didn't like the seating arrangement, but he'd try not to ask for a fourth time if he could drive on the way home.

An hour into the trip, after getting lost twice, which wouldn't have happened if Daryl was driving, the trio killed time with a new car game they invented for the post-apocalypse. Daryl named it ‘Shit we don’t miss.'

"Politicians," Rick said next.

"Good one," Daryl said, nodding, watching the fields go by from still in the back seat.

"Homework," Carl added.

"Cops," Daryl said and scooted back tight against the car door, knowing that Rick would be reaching back to swat at him. And he was right.

"Speed limits!" Carl shouted, pulling Rick's focus back up front.

"Carl, it's 40 here, slow down."

Daryl giggled in the back seat. “Don’t give him a ticket, Rick. It’s his first offense.” That, of course, earned him another swat.

After more talk of taxes, crowds, bills, curfews, telemarketers and Kardashians, Rick pointed to a large white home with a wrap-around  
porch.

The sign for Grady’s Bed and Breakfast hung lopsided on one of its two hooks, almost hidden by overgrown weeds that strangled the post and flirted with the sign.

Carl pulled to a stop in the middle of the road, put it in park and got out. "Guess he won't need lessons parallel parkin'," Daryl mumbled as he opened the door and got out of the cramped, stuffy back seat. He grabbed the crossbow that was beside him and held it up, scanning the surroundings of the property. Rick and Carl had their guns out and ready.

"Remember, let's not waste the ammo if we don't need to. Knives for easy kills," Rick said, sounding more ‘prison Rick’ than ‘lost in the  
woods Rick.’

"Got it," Carl said, sounding ten years older in the blink of an eye. The light-hearted banter of the drive was gone and the three men were focused and alert.

It had been a long time since Daryl and Rick had cleared a house. In their eight months in the woods they hadn't passed a single structure. Not even a cabin. But Rick was relieved to see it was like riding a bike. The three of them swept the home and cleared it, silently communicating with nods and glances.

Once they could let their guard down, they stood together quietly in the kitchen like it was a funeral parlor, respectful and solemn.

"Looks like they had a nice spot here," Rick said softly. He gave a heavy sigh and slowly cracked open a cupboard.

“Let's split up and start takin' shit,” Daryl responded. He'd taken notice of the supplies while they cleared and was excited to start getting to work.

"I got the upstairs." Carl said quickly and disappeared.

Daryl smiled. He must not have been the only one to notice some of Judy's clothes on a dresser when they cleared the room. Kid probably wanted to protect his dad from having to see too much.

According to Glenn, they hadn't been scavenging up this way since the first few months after the prison fell. They had high hopes that Carol and Tyrese had been there long enough that they would have stockpiled a lot of provisions of their own.

They were not disappointed. The pantry was full of expired canned goods, and expired was fine because you couldn't be picky during the apocalypse. There was flour, sugar, boxes of rice and pasta. The men started carrying out boxes of food to the car, passing each other in the hallway with arms full. Rick was less than enthusiastic when he passed Daryl carrying an actual CASE of fucking tomato soup. Daryl noticed the face he made and narrowed his eyes. “You WILL eat this, Grimes,” he said.

Since the old house had been a bed and breakfast, they'd hit the jackpot on blankets and sheets. Carol had always been practical and she had a sizable first aid kit that was so big she kept it in a suitcase. She probably hadn't even known what half the stuff was for, but Hershal would, so Rick packed the whole thing up and made a trip to the car. He'd even found someone's actual school backpack. What it was doing at a bed and breakfast, he'd never know. But it had science and history textbooks in it and Rick held them up to Carl as they passed in the hallway. He got an eye roll and animated sigh in return.

There was a little library in the parlor, just a few shelves. No Douglas Preston, but Rick told Daryl he'd probably like the Michael Crichton novels, so the hunter took them to the car. Then he came back and decided to scavenge them all, even the ones that were clearly chick-type romance novels, long-haired, half-naked men with arms around their women on the covers. He didn’t know if he’d ever get that desperate for a new read, but he thought Michonne would like them.

They found boxes of matchbooks, about a dozen lighters and even some weapons. Daryl recognized one of the guns from back at the prison and felt sorrow tug at him again. But he knew that Carol and Tyrese would be pleased to know that all the supplies they'd worked to collect were going to family.

They hauled out board games, candles, lanterns, fishing poles and a tackle box, and some of Mika’s own clothes.

After hours of packing things up and taking them to the station wagon, they met with their final backpacks and boxes at the trunk of the car. Rick was trying to squeeze boxes and bags and blankets into every square inch of space.

"The Grimes family truckster is barely gonna carry all this. Maybe we shoulda bought a minivan," Carl said as he shoved his backpack into the small space on the floor behind the driver’s seat.

Rick looked over at Daryl and saw him smiling wide. It made Rick smile too.

"I like that," Rick said. "Grimes family." He slipped one of his hands into Daryl's. "'F we meet anymore survivors you should introduce yourself as Daryl Grimes."

Daryl grinned at his lover and looked down bashfully.

"Seriously," Rick said in a voice that was as sweet and thick as honey, "Ya never really liked Dixon anyway, did ya?"

"Not really," Daryl said with what he knew had to be a ridiculous grin plastered across his face, looking over at Rick from under his eyelashes and hiding behind his hair.

"Then Daryl Grimes. Yah?"

"K," Daryl said, his face flushed and his heart beating fast. He was embarrassed to be this awkward and shy around someone he'd just fucked into oblivion the night before. He hadn't been the quiet one since back at the prison, but he had no words for the swell of his emotions.

From in front of them, Carl stopped and turned around. "Dude, did you guys just get married?" 

Rick's lips were stuck in the same goofy grin that they morphed into when he'd started the conversation.

He pulled Daryl close and kissed him gently. A public kiss, quick and chaste, filled mostly with whispers and promises of more later, but still enough to communicate the depths of Rick's sincerity. "Yah. Think so," he said, keeping his gaze on Daryl’s.

Carl, clearly sensing an opportunity, asked, "Daryl, can I go 60 on the way home?"

"Yah, sure," Daryl responded instantly, playing along.

"No," Rick said, deadpan.

"But Dad, my other dad said I could!" Carl teased.  
...

Once the overflowing station wagon was completely packed, they stood quietly at its trunk. They had one last stop on the property. Daryl took Rick's hand. "Mika told Glenn it's around back," he said and took the lead.

They could see it as soon as they rounded the house. Two graves, small, both marked with handmade crosses, one with baby shoes strung around it.

As they approached and their shadows fell over the crosses, Daryl squeezed Rick's hand. Felt him shaking. Rick sat and Daryl moved his hands to his lover’s shoulders, not wanting him to be without his touch. The grieving father reached out and ran a finger over the shoes. Carl sat next to his dad and the three were silent, each of them knee-deep in their own private thoughts.

Daryl stood over his family. He remembered feeding that little asskicker the first time, and the smile it brought to his lips. Didn't even know he liked babies till she came along. He’d fed her more nights than not during Rick’s dark days at the prison. He’d made her giggle. Taught her how to give high-fives. Let her teethe on his thumb.

Daryl squatted down and sat behind Rick, pulling him close and putting his arms around his waist. He rested his head on Rick’s back, wanting to surround him in comfort and love.

“Think she’s with mom?” Carl asked quietly.

Daryl felt Rick nodding.

“Yah,” he whispered. Rick pictured his daughter and felt the sound of her laugh brush by his ear. 

He pictured Daryl holding her. She’d literally tamed the wild hunter. He’d come back grouchy as hell from an unsuccessful hunt. He’d throw his quiver, stomp around, curse at whoever was there for pretty much made-up reasons. And then Beth would walk in, or Carol, with Judith in their arms and Daryl would stop in his tracks and take her. And his hunt was forgotten. He was smiling and cooing and kissing and playing peek-a-boo until someone insisted it was her bedtime. Rick remembered how proud he’d seemed when he got the reputation of being the only one who could stop her from crying.

He pictured Carl holding her. His son instantly became a big brother and filled in for the role of mother from the second she was born. He could change her diaper with one hand and hold her bottle up with the other. Any time there was a threat, she was his first priority. He named her and he loved her. And that was when Rick realized that he’d see her every time he looked at either one of them. She’d helped make them the men they were today.

He forgave himself for forgetting her. Because when he was slinking through the bowels of the prison chasing ghosts for days at a time without seeing her, he’d come back up for air and take her in his arms and she forgave him every time. 

Rick stood and the others rose next to him. "This was good," Rick said and put a hand on Carl's shoulder. "You ok?" 

Carl nodded. "Let's go home, dad."

Home. That sounded nice, Rick thought.

As they drove away, Carl in the driver's seat again, Rick glanced back the house.

"Stop!" he shouted, startling Carl who stepped on the brake way harder than necessary, shifting all their loot forward, a box of pasta hitting Daryl in the head.

Rick jumped out of the car with his gun drawn. Daryl followed and raised his crossbow in solidarity even though he had no idea what it  
was about.

"What? What is it?" the hunter asked, trying to find something to aim at. Carl now had his gun raised and stood beside them.

"Someone's here." And he pointed with his gun to the crosses in the back yard, both void of shoes.

Daryl still didn't get it. "What? Where?" he said, focused and ready to act.

"Someone took the shoes off Judith's grave," Rick said.

Carl sighed and holstered his gun. "Jesus dad, you scared the shit out of me. Calm down. I took 'em."

Rick and Daryl relaxed.

"Why?" Rick asked, forehead crinkling in question. "I thought it was kinda nice the way they had it."

Carl was clearly fumbling for an answer and he finally came up with "Mika's doll."

Daryl could tell instantly this wasn't the truth. Was that like parental instincts? He suddenly thought he was going to be really good at being a family man. "I ain't never seen 'er play with no doll," Daryl said, suspicious but not sure why. "You lyin', Carl?" he asked.

Rick followed the conversation from Daryl to his son.

"No," Carl said with his voice going up an octave.

Rick holstered his gun. "I liked it the way it was." And before Carl realized what his father was doing, Rick had tugged the kid's last  
backpack out from the floor behind the driver’s side, tossed it up on the hood of the station wagon and started rooting through zippers looking for his daughter's shoes.

"Dad! That's MY stuff. You need to give me my privacy!"

Rick stopped in the middle of his search and looked up. "What the hell is this?" he asked, truly perplexed.

Oh god. What was it? Daryl thought. Drugs? Alcohol? Playboys? Oh god- maybe he wasn't going to be good at this parental thing.

"Cloth diapers and Desitin?" Rick questioned.

Daryl's train of thought stopped on a dime. "What?"

"They'll kill me if I say yet. They wanted you guys to have a little more time," Carl whined.

"We'll keep it a Grimes family secret, now tell us what you're hiding," Daryl said, deciding he was going to use the word Grimes an obscene number of times in the weeks and months to follow.

"Maggie's pregnant."

\----

On the way home the back seat was even more cramped and uncomfortable, but Daryl couldn't wipe the smile off his face. He was going to be an uncle. He was a Grimes now. He was heading back home to the rest of his family with a packed station wagon full of surprises for everyone.

They'd even gone out of their way to drive through the Main Street of a small town and hit the jackpot. There was a Yarn Barn. And Daryl was completely ok with having four dozen bundles of yarn stacked on his lap and no open window.

Unfortunately they hadn't been able to find any canned chocolate pudding (that turned out to be a craving of Maggie's, not Carl's), but they did find some candy bars in a vending machine at a rest stop.

"How about Steven?" Rick suggested.

"Nah," Carl said from the driver’s seat. "I think it's gonna be a girl anyway. How about Lauren?"

"Pfft," Daryl chimed in from the back. "Those are pussy names. We are knee-deep in the post-apocalypse. We need a snazzy, stylish, futuristic name. How about Danai?"

"Yah..." Carl said as if it were settled.

"Y'know, we should probably let Maggie and Glenn weigh in on this," Rick laughed.

The sun was setting when they got back to the house and everyone came out to greet them. Daryl opened the back door and all the yarn fell out of the car before he could climb out behind it. Michonne squealed and started picking them up, oohing and ahhing at all the colors.

Rick stepped out of the passenger side, went straight to Maggie and hugged her. "Congratulations," he whispered to her, lifting her off her feet. Glenn frowned at Carl.

"Not his fault," Daryl said, jumping to the kid's defense. "We beat it out of him."

Hershal and Glenn quickly started helping to unload the car, stacking everything in the living room so the family could see what the boys came back with.

"Anything happen?" Glenn asked as he put down a stack of books in the living room. "Walkers, humans, wild dogs, scrapes, falls, comets, alien space craft, ticks?" He got giggles from Mika who was carrying in a blanket. 

Daryl shook his head. "Totally uneventful," he said as everyone got comfortable in the living room eager to look through their treasures.

"Actually," Carl said, "You did forget something." He turned from Daryl to the group. "Dad and Daryl are like married now." 

There were squeals of excitement from the girls and broad smiles from the guys. Daryl didn't know if he'd ever been hugged by so many people at one time.   
.....

Rick sat in the living room with Daryl on one side and Carl on the other. Daryl had an arm on the back of the couch and Rick leaned into it.

It was like Christmas morning. Michonne and Maggie sat Indian-style on the floor surrounded by yarn of every color. They picked out a color scheme for the first baby blanket Michonne would make.

Hershal talked excitedly to Glenn about the suitcase full of medical supplies. Mika hugged a rag doll to her chest that the Grimes’ had found in an abandoned car on their way back home.

Carl was actually flipping through the science book. Rick could tell he was just looking at the pictures, but it was a good start.

It was like Christmas, Rick thought again. The only thing missing was the tree.

This wasn't a bad life. Rick watched his family as he was tucked in Daryl Grimes' arm. He felt Daryl’s lips press down on the top of his head and heard him whisper "I love you."

Yes, it wasn’t a bad life at all, Rick thought. In fact, it was pretty amazing, surprisingly beautiful and complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! This was my first long length completed fic. Please let me know what you thought! Feedback, good or bad, is incredibly valuable as I move on to other projects. If you have any ideas for me to write, I'd love to hear them! If you liked this, I have several other fics out there. Two are long chapter stories that will eventually be completed. I also have a handful of short Rickyl one-shots you might like. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cover for "Dark"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3916645) by [SkariCovers (skarlatha)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skarlatha/pseuds/SkariCovers)




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